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Wally's Document Doesn't Open

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Wally's Document Doesn't Open - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 01, 2014's comic on:


Tags #laziness, #technology, #jargon

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Boss: I couldn't open the document you sent with your project update. Wally: Try erasing your hard disk and reinstalling the operating system. Boss: I guess I don't need it that badly. Wally: After all the work I put into making that document?

Boss Offers Constructive Criticism

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Boss Offers Constructive Criticism - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 02, 2014's comic on:


Tags #criticism, #managers, #managers & supervisors, #insults, #insult

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Boss: Do you want some constructive criticism? Dilbert: No, but I would love some under-informed opinions about things you don't understand. Boss: That took a lot of fun out of it.

Bob Is Proud Of His Flip Phone

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Bob Is Proud Of His Flip Phone - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 03, 2014's comic on:


Tags #smart phones, #technology, #dinosaurs, #insult, #insults, #judgement

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Dinosaur: I don't own a smartphone. I use a flip phone because it does everything I want. Alice: Why are you proud of being a big, dumb dinosaur with a terrible phone? Dinosaur: I"m sensing a lot of judgement in that question. Alice: Wait until you hear my follow-ups.

Bob Has No Cool Way To Describe His Life

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Bob Has No Cool Way To Describe His Life - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 04, 2014's comic on:


Tags #technology, #what is cool?, #dinosaurs, #windows xp, #smart phones, #flip phones

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Dinosaur: All I need is my flip phone, my Windows XP, and my basic cable television. Did I sound like a big, dumb dinosaur that time? Dogbert: Pretty much. Dinosaur: Wow... there is no cool way to describe my life.

Bob Gets A Smartwatch

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Bob Gets A Smartwatch - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 05, 2014's comic on:


Tags #dinosaurs, #puns, #pun, #technology, #smartwatch, #carbon dating

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Dinosaur: Ha ha! I am now the coolest member of the household because I have a smartwatch. Hello, watch. What time is is? Watch: This is the anthropocene epoch. Dinosaur: Wow, that carbon dates me.

No More Than Eight People In A Meeting

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No More Than Eight People In A Meeting - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 06, 2014's comic on:


Tags #executives, #ghost writers, #quotes, #quote, #autobiography

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Dilbert: Your rule is that no more than eight people should attend a meeting, so I can't let you sit down. CEO: When did I say that? Dilbert: It was in a book you co-wrote. CEO: I knew I should have skimmed that thing. Dilbert: Your unknown co-author is quite wise.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 07, 2014's comic on:


Tags #dating, #dancing, #compatibility, #chakra, #chakras, #yoga

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Woman: I like dancing and... Dilbert: I'm out. I avoid any relationship that has a risk of dancing. Woman: You're rejecting me because I like to dance? Dilbert: Yeah, it would start out all innocent... but two months into it you'd be guzzling wine and dragging me toward live music. Then you'd start doing all this... and this... and some of this... Woman: I also enjoy doing yoga to release my chakra energy. Does that bother you? Dilbert: I think I'm getting hives.

Wally Working In The Cloud

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Wally Working In The Cloud - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Tags #work ethic, #laziness, #deception, #the cloud

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Wally: If you need me, I'll be in the cloud fixing a software issue. There's no cell coverage in the cloud, so it might seem to you as if I am at home doing nothing. If you need me, I'll be at home doing nothing. Dilbert: Why would anyone need you?

Carol Juggles Work Plus Family

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Carol Juggles Work Plus Family - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Tags #happiness, #Family, #work

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Dilbert: I don't know how you juggle work plus a family. Carol: Spending time with my family is like fighting porcupines in a salt mine. I come here just to get away from them. Dilbert: So... you like your job? Carol: No, but at least I can go home to get away from it.

Wally's Air Bag

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Wally's Air Bag - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Tags #work ethic, #laziness, #air bags

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Wally: I added air bags to my underpants to avoid accidental assignments. Boss: Hey, Wally, I need you to... Maybe I'll ask someone else. Wally: The system works!