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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Dogbert does public relations "You can't get free publicity simply by doing something better." "You have to do something in a way that has never been done." "It's a Sir Richard Branson sort of thing. You wouldn't understand."

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"Thanks to my P.R. campaign, your stock price is grossly over-inflated." "Now you can use your stock to buy companies that actually make money." "After you manage those companies into the toilet, give me a jingle."

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"You'll be in charge of this project." "What's my budget?" "I'll need to approve all expenses." "Who will report to me?" "Your team will report to me and I'll tell them what to do." "I'll start on the project plan." "Um..." "Skip that part. I already have a plan in my head." "Hypothetically, who would take the blame if this project failed?" "Well, you're in charge..."

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The facilities people tell me there's asbestos in the ceiling. "They say you don't need to worry about it unless it gets disturbed." "They plan to disturb it today."

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"The employees are getting all whiney about the asbestos in the ceiling." "I told them it wasn't dangerous, but apparently I'm not credible in this HazMat suit." "I don't think it's fair that they judge me by my clothes."

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They found asbestos in our ceiling. We're all in danger. "I must use my telekinesis to remove the asbestos." "GAAA!" "The threat has been neutralized. You must never ask me how it was done." "I'm not even curious."