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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"Dilbert, come in here." "I keep clicking on this link and nothing happens." "Click click click click." "See?" "Try something else." "Why would I do that?" "The definition of insanity is: doing the same thing and expecting a different result." "Hey, it worked this time!" "What we have here is a bad precedent." "They called me 'crazy.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Your project is my top priority. Tell me everything that I need to know.

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It's been a few hours since I've done anything managerish.

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"Our new chip is slower than our competition's products." "We'll claim we're the fastest. If anyone does benchmark tests, we'll say they used old drivers." "Whenever I talk to you, I feel like I should be wearing a wire." "Since when is marketing a crime?"

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"Dogberts Consults." "Never listen to your customers." "They were dumb enough to buy your product, so they have no credibility." "That reminds me: thanks for buying my services. Don't talk. Shhh." "Ooh."

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"Dogbert Consults." "Your company has become synonymous with incompetence and crime." "Stop trying to be all things to all people. Focus on either the incompetence OR the crime." "For your new logo, I used computer graphics to create a composite face that looks totally incompetent." "Wow."

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"Alice, I want you to train Ned to do everything you do." "Don't worry that it will make you redundant more easily downsizeable." "I like to start each day by sending threatening e-mail to the board of directors."

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"Dilbert, meet your new coworker, Buff Bufferman." "Tell Dilbert what you do for fun." "I like to go rock climbing during blizzards." "Escape." "At the top, I wait for a pair of eagles to fly by. Then I leap off and grab them by the legs." "The eagles slow my descent to the raging river below." "I try to land on a floating log and surf the white water all the way home." "I use a key-board." "Isn't that dangerous?" "Sometimes I type all hunched over." "Ow! Ow! It hurts to hear it!"

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"I discovered a typo in the market forecast that is driving our company strategy." "Where it says,'Everyone would want one,' it should have said, 'Every Wong would want one." "Worse yet, I called Mr. Wong and he said he was joking." "What if we gave him free delivery?"

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I finished the prototype for the wireless hassock-buddy.