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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 01, 2013's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #honesty

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CEO: Shakespeare said some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon 'em. I wonder which one I am. Catbert: Some steal from shareholders and call it greatness. CEO: Greatness of the fourth kind.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 02, 2013's comic on:


Tags #conversation

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Dilbert: The upgrade could make our network unstable. Boss: You can't make an omelet without breaking some eggs. Dilbert: I interpret your folksy response to mean I should upgrade the network despite the risks. Boss: No, I'm saying I'll break your eggs if the network goes down.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 03, 2013's comic on:


Tags #office equipment

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Coworker: Do you mind if I rummage through the trash in the technology lab? Dilbert: Um, okay. Coworker: I'm getting back to my hunter-gatherer roots. Score! These old power cords sell on Ebay for up to $3 apiece. Ha ha! I'm a genius who turns trash into gold! How's that compare to whatever you're doing here. Dilbert: Well, I'm removing valuable features from our product so we can.. gouge our customers with the... upgrade. Coworker: Wow. Your life is a total waste. Dilbert: Not if I sell the power cord.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 04, 2013's comic on:


Tags #cruelty, #managers & supervisors

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Dilbert: Should we buy the maintenance plan or just take our chances? What do you prefer? Boss: I prefer to punish you for buying the maintenance plan and going over budget, but I also don't mind firing you for not buying it if we later need it. Which one of us has a better job?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 05, 2013's comic on:


Tags #obliviousness, #rich people, #conversation

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CEO: Oh, great. I got here too early. Now I'll need to make small talk with this underling. I don't know what to say to these people. I need to find an area of common interest. I make my own gold coins now. This one has my face on the front and the jumbo jet that carries my superyacht on the back.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 06, 2013's comic on:


Tags #suspicion

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Dilbert: Studies show that companies with a high level of trust in employees also perform the best. Boss: If you ever start performing well, I'll trust you, too. Dilbert: This didn't go the way I hoped. Boss: What kind of scam are you trying to pull?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 07, 2013's comic on:


Tags #lying

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Dogbert: Honesty is the best policy... whenever you think lying won't work. Otherwise, lying is awesome. It's like a freakin' superpower! Ratbert: Why am I here? Dogbert: I speak truth to the powerless.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 08, 2013's comic on:


Tags #ignorance (knowledge), #joking

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Boss: Experts say the best leaders have a good sense of humor. I'm an awesome leader, therefore I must be hilarious. Wally: I can't tell if I should laugh at that. Boss: That's because you're not a leader.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 09, 2013's comic on:


Tags #office equipment, #frustration, #office workers

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Mordac: I am Mordac, the preventer of information services, and I forbid you from using the shared color printer for rough drafts! Dilbert: That sounds reasonable, which makes me wonder what you're up to. Why did you remove the color printer? Mordac: It was hardly ever used. Two Months Later

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 10, 2013's comic on:


Tags #work ethic

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Boss: Wally, you have accomplished none of your goals. I have to let you go. Wally: Actually, I accomplished a lot. I spent the past ten years creating a tangle of undocumented programming code. Every one of our major systems is linked to it. If I don't enter a password every day, the entire company will go into a technology death spiral. If you value your job, you'll give me a huge raise and dance on this table like a monkey!!! Boss: Let's call it a tie. Wally: Yeah, I'm good with that.