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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Tags #computers, #customer service, #frustration, #software, #tech support, #technical support, #technology

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Dogbert's Tech Support. Dilbert: The error message says my copy of Windows is not genuine. Dogbert" I'll walk you through a series of steps that won't work. Dilbert: Wait... what? Dogbert: After seventeen attempts that involve rebooting, you will lose hope. At some point you will give up and buy a new computer just to be done with it all. We'll start by uninstalling all of your drivers and reinstalling. Dilbert: Can I skip all of the useless steps and just buy a new computer? Dogbert: Sure, but you don't need to be a jerk about it.

Wally Wears Heels

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Wally Wears Heels - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 02, 2015's comic on:


Tags #height, #money, #salary, #short, #tall, #wages

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Wally: You might have noticed that I'm wearing clogs with four-inch heels. Studies show that every inch of height is worth $1,000 in income per year. Can I have my $4,000 in a lump sum this year? Boss: I know there is something wrong with this...

Tall People Earn More

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Tall People Earn More - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 03, 2015's comic on:


Tags #anger, #discrimination, #fairness, #height, #money, #salary, #wages, #Women

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CEO: Studies show that tall people earn more than shorter people. So instead of doing performance reviews this year, we'll just measure your height and pay accordingly. And, of course, Alice will earn ten percent less than the men. I think that's a law.

Ceo Inflates His Own Head

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Ceo Inflates His Own Head - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 04, 2015's comic on:


Tags #bonus, #ceos, #competition, #executives, #height, #money, #salary, #wages

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Catbert: Now that our policy is to pay people based on height, your CEO salary is capped, too. CEO: That's what you think. Watch what happens when I hold my nose and close my mouth and blow. Catbert: Well, I guess it only needs to last until bonus season.

Tall People And Men

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Tall People And Men - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 05, 2015's comic on:


Tags #discrimination, #frustration, #money, #retribution, #revenge, #salary, #sexism, #wages, #Women

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Alice: How can you justify paying me less than tall people and men!!! CEO: Duh. The reason is that you are not as tall and you don't have male body parts. Alice: Can I borrow your scissors?

Male Parts And Nothing Can Change It

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Male Parts And Nothing Can Change It - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 06, 2015's comic on:


Tags #discrimination, #fairness, #money, #salary, #sexism, #wages, #Women

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CEO: I explained to Alice why I earn more than she does, but she refuses to understand. I'm taller and I have male reproductive body parts. That's what stockholders care about, and nothing can change that. (Alice whistles as she walks with a pair of scissors and a mallet.)

Alice Is Highest Paid Engineer

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Alice Is Highest Paid Engineer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Tags #sexism, #Women, #discrimination, #wages, #money, #salary, #violence

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Alice: I'm the highest-paid engineer in the department now. Dilbert: Does it have anything to do with those scissors, the mallet, and your reputation for violence? Alice: Would you ask a man that question? Dilbert: Gaaa!!! It's like a super-power!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 08, 2015's comic on:


Tags #compliment, #compliments, #insult, #insulting, #work ethic, #catch-22

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Boss: You're a perfect employee in many ways. Dilbert: I am? Boss: For example, you have excellent technical skills. Dilbert: That's true. Boss: And your attendance is perfect. Dilbert: Yes, it is. Boss: And you are too risk-averse to quit and start your own company. Dilbert: What? Boss: Plus, you have no social life to interfere with work.Dilbert: Are these still compliments? Boss: Combine all of that with your irrational need for approval, and it makes you a code-writing puppet. Did I already say you're underpaid? Dilbert: Stop complimenting me!

Wally Will Work When He Is Dead

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Wally Will Work When He Is Dead - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Tags #laziness, #work ethic, #strategy, #death

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Coworker: I noticed you don't do much work. Wally: My philosophy is that there will be plenty of time to work when I'm dead. Coworker: But you won't be here to do it. Wally: I guess you don't know what a perfect system looks like.

Ceo Agrees To Mentor Wally

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Ceo Agrees To Mentor Wally - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Tags #laziness, #work ethic, #mentor, #mentors, #mentoring, #protege, #power

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Wally: Will you be my mentor? CEO: Yes I will! You are wise to ask because it shows you have the drive to succeed. Wally: Exactly! Boss: Give me one good reason I shouldn't fire you. Wally: My mentor is your boss.