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"You can rob your small suppliers by making unauthorized deductions from their invoices." "When they complain, say it's a standard industry practice and threaten to take your business elsewhere." "The make them dance like chickens." "Ha! Ha! Chickens are funny."

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Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources

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We still have too many software faults. We'll miss our ship date. "Move the list of faults to the 'future development' column and ship it." "90% of this job is figuring out what to call stuff."

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"We've moved our call centers to Elbonia but we don't think anyone will notice." "Hello, how may I help you? My name is Kruphnehdahpheweundikaniswalyniaphorganopop." "I mean...Carl."

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Elbonian Call Center "We don't have that software in stock." "But may I interest you in a set of porcelain unicorn figurines that wear pants?" "Really? Wow. Your country has way too much money."

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Elbonia Call Center

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"Can I talk to you after the mandatory meeting?" "Whoa! Whoa! I didn't give you approval to attend that meeting." "The meeting is mandatory." "Approval is mandatory too." "Okay, whatever." "May I go to the mandatory meeting?" "All requests must be in writing." "It's mandatory!!! Man-duh-tory!!!" "If people start bending the rules, before long, murder will be legal." "That was the finest mandatory meeting I've ever attended! They handed out cash!" "Shut up."

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"So I was dancing with Madonna and went "Vogue" like this. She liked the idea and made a video." "You've either had a fascinating life or you're a huge liar. I'm still undecided." "Ghandi said the same thing. SO I said, 'I'm not eating until you take it back.'"