You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 01, 2003's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

"This is my nemesis, pointy-haired Carl. He manages our software division." "Write up some reasons why he should report to me. I'll secretly give it to our Vice President." "Start by saying there's no real difference between hardware and software." "I'm unclean!"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 02, 2003's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

"Our goal is nothing less than a complete takeover of pointy-haired Carl's software division." "We'll start secretly doing their jobs in addition to our own. Then I'll argue that they should report to me." "Hypothetically, if the secret got out, would we stop working twice as hard for no extra money?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 03, 2003's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

"I have some disturbing news." "We outsourced our customer-service function to India a few years ago." "So?" "Apparently, they subcontracted the job to Mexico." "Then Mexico subcontracted to Vietnam, who subcontracted to the Philippines.." "..Who subcontracted it to us." "It turns out that we're the lowest-cost provider because we lie about our hold times." "In summary, we pay ourselves to hose ourselves." "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" "We should raise our prices?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 04, 2003's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

"Tina, we need some customer success stories for the web site." "The closest things we have are these complaint letters. Just change a few words." "Change 'kick' to 'kiss' and this one is done, albeit disturbingly."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 05, 2003's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

"I'm trying to make him lose his language skills." "I've been using words in the wrong context and waiting for him to adopt them." "Carol, could you truculent this doctrinaire to the obelisk?" "Cervically."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 06, 2003's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

"I need a description of your project and its projected cost." "That's impossible." "The project uncertainty principle says that if you understand a project, you won't know its cost, and vice versa." "You just made that up." "That doesn't make it wrong."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 07, 2003's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

Tell me why you need a new server.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 08, 2003's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

"The weather is getting worse. Maybe we should close the office." "No." "The forecast is blizzards, freezing rain, tsunamis, deadly lava flows, and precision-guided ball lightning." "And radiation enlarged swarms of killer bees." "Get some snow tires, you big baby."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 09, 2003's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

"That concludes my two-hour presentation. Any questions?" "Did you intend the presentation to be incomprehenisble, or do you have some sort of rare 'powerpoint' disability." "Are there any questions about the content?" "There was content?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 10, 2003's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

"Wally, why have you been charging all of your hours to my project?" "I invited you to one meeting. It lasted one hour." "Do you think I would go to a meeting without extensive preparation?" "Okay.. that's another hour." "How many more do you need explained?" "Fifty-eight." "After the meeting, I sat quietly and evaluated what everyone said. That took fity-seven hours." "Ha! You're still an hour short. Explain THAT!" "Do you mind if I sit quietly and think about that question for a while?"