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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"We've had a bad year but management is commited to staying the course." "Question: did you just say our leaders are receiving huge compensation packages to keep doing what doesn't work?" "No. The way I said it, they're visionaries." "So ... they keep doing what doesn't work ... and they see visions?"

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I've decided to become an optometrist for near-sighted visionaries. "They're ideal customers because they never expect the worst." "Which price am I most likely to charge you?" "The low one!"

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"Optometrist for Visionary Executives" "Look through this block of wood." "Is this better or worse?" "Better." "I forsee forty quarters of growth." "Hey, new glasses?"

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"My voice mailbox is full, and my spam filter rejects all incoming e-mail." "As soon as I build up a good load of ear wax, I'll be off the grid." "Wally, we need to talk." "EH?"

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"Hey, mullet-head, this is for you." "What did you call me?" "Oops. I used the secret nickname that everyone in the office has for you." "My work here is done." "It's just a little long in the back!"

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"Our corporate goal is to become one of Fortune magazine's top 100 companies to work for!" "We hope to do it without giving you any additional money, benefits or freedom." "Then how could you possibly motivate us to say we're happy to work ... uh-oh."

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"We have a bad connection, so listen carefully." "Throw ... my ... desk ... off ... building..." "Okay." "I hope that sounded like 'go through my desk and office and find the billing codes'."

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"Are you sure that our pointy-haired boss said to throw his desk off the building?" "Well, his cell phone had a really bad connection." "Do you care?" "Not so much."