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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"Alice, I know that times are tough. But you need to show more optimism." "Try to find the good thing in any bad situation." "Our entire sales force has been eaten by wild pigs." "Pigs are cute!"

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"The technical solution is simple and inexpensive." "But it would cost a fortune to get internal approvals because vast herds of management dolts would get involved." "So I should just do it, right?" "Did you just call me a vast herd?"

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"Where do you want to eat?" "Anyplace." "Suddenly, Mike, the vegan pounced." "Do you mind if I join you?" "Soon, hunger started to set in." "No, I can't eat at any of those fifty choices. What else do you have?"

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Mike the Vegan.

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"Wally, how do I handle the psychological pressure of a stalled career?" "Remember that when you reach for the stars, they're too far away, so it's hopeless." "But sometimes you can reach a star.. can't you?" "That would burn your hand clean off."

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"Dilbert, take care of this. It's our top priority." "Sure. I'll just let m other priorities slip until my career is a smoldering mound of rubble." "So what is it?" "I don't know.. I just didn't like it on my desk."

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You never responded to my urgent request for engineering resources. "What?" "I told Alice to ask you!" "She must have forgotten." "I sent you three e-mail messages." "You know I don't have time to read my e-mail." "And I sent you a voicemail." "You know I don't have time for voice-mails." "That's why I also.." "Tatooed it on your stinkin' chest!!!" "As if I have time to read my torso."

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Our competitors found a way to send broadband internet traffic over the power grid.

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"Asok, would you like to join a doomed project for sending internet traffic over the sewer system?" "Absolutely! I might be young and inexperienced, but I know a good thing when I see it!" "I need you to work under the sewage and breathe through a straw." "I get a straw?!!"

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"I've never been a project manager before." "I understand I'm supposed to direct your natural talents and energies toward a common goal." "Carol, did you make copies of the agenda?" "No, it sounded hard."