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"I need a name for my company, then I can film the infomercial." "I assume you want a name that will help disguise your treachery." "Not so much." "And now a word from the CEO of Krap2idiots." "Catchy." "Shhh..."

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Hello? This is Alice.

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"To what project would I charge my time in the following situation?" "Let's say that a pair of corrective lenses falls in a urinal, and the owner freaks out and calls 911..." "It hasn't happened yet but I can feel it building up."

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"If you recommend my company's product to your board, there might be a little something for you later." "Before you decide, look at this DVD titled, 'Is bribery right for you?'" "The narrator might refer to you by name when she dances."

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"I decided to buy all of our server upgrades through Bribertek, Inc." "Question: Are we buying overpriced hardware because they offered you a job?" "Because if we're paying extra to get rid of you, it's money well spent." "It's a coincidence!"

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"I've been forced to update the dress code." "Effective today, tank tops and belly shirts are not allowed in the office." "Once again, you've ruined it for everyone."

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"Uh-oh. It's a gray area social situation." "Do I know this guy well enough to say hi, or do I look away?" "So I went with an ambiguous tight-lipped smile that could be confused with a stomach ache." "Your stories suck."