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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"I made a typo in my annual budget request, but don't worry." "There are only two things you can't buy for the test lab this year." "Hardware and software."

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"Our CEO's son is joining the department as an intern." "I want you to be his mentor." "And by mentor, I mean don't let the little spy learn anything about us." "If he finds out what we do, he'll tell his dad we're doing it wrong." "Here's a list of compliments you can give him." "Tell him his assignment is to go someplace and study cool motorcycles." "If he asks more than three questions, kill him." "Where's my desk?" "That's one."

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"I hired all of you because the project will take 300 man days to complete." "There are 300 of you, so I want you to finish by five o'clock and clean out your desks. You're all fired." "If it takes more than one meeting to manage a project, I lose interest."

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"I finished all of my work, and now I'm available for another high profile assignment." "Create a document and route it around for approval." "On what topic?" "How to keep an intern busy."

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Which way is the microwave? "Thanks." "It's getting harder to be open-minded."

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"Carl, I have to fire you." "You're totally incompetent at everything you do." "Before you go, I'd like you to teach Dilbert how to do your job."

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"Although I've been fired for gross incompetence, I'm professional enough to train you before I leave." "Don't bother. I already coded a Java app to do everything you do." "Everything?" "Except for the incompetent parts."

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"Everyone says your new circuit design is worse than the old one." "By 'everyone', do you mean you heard it from one person who doesn't like me, and isn't familiar with either design?" "I also spoke to the people who heard it from that one person."

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"I didn't have time to finish my tasks for this meeting." "No problem." "If you get cornered, read this powerful anti-meeting spell." "Asok, did you finish the traffic estimates?" "Um...I was wondering if our new service is Web 2.0 or Web 1.0." "Obviously it's a Web 2.0 application because of the tag-based folksonomies." "No it isn't. All of our technology existed before the Internet bubble." "'When' doesn't matter. It only matters that we use the Web as a platform!" "Everything is a platform!" "Freaky."

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I'll need more than tall pants and traditional looking hair to get elected to president. "I'm hoping to form an unholy alliance with the military industrial complex." "You're willing to attack allies?" "It's the highest R.O.I."