You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 01, 2011's comic on:


Tags #writing, #writing materials

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Can you word that more simply? I need to explain it to the executive leadership. Alice: Money be god. This make more. Oogah! Boss: That was uncalled for? Alice: I can replace the pie chart with a kitten.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 02, 2011's comic on:


Tags #anxiety, #pessimism

View Transcript

Transcript

Ted: Did you approve my goals for next year? Boss: Yeah, whatever. Ted: Gaaa! Your apathy about my goals can only mean you to fire me within the next year! Catbert: Ha ha! Now give him unimportant projects. Boss: They all seem that way to me.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 03, 2011's comic on:


Tags #commerce, #optimism, #patents

View Transcript

Transcript

Lawyer: Our newest product infringes patents from Google, Apple, Microsoft, and Oracle. They've joined forces and hired NASA to nudge an asteroid toward our headquarters. Boss: I think we can win this. Lawyer: I wonder what the average life span of an optimist is.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 04, 2011's comic on:


Tags #administrative agencies, #frustration, #meetings

View Transcript

Transcript

Woman: Wally, I need your data for my meeting in three days. Wally: Okay. It shouldn't take more than three or four days to pull it together. Woman: Not three or four days. I need it in three days. Wally: Okay. Three days. Not counting the weekend and the day I give it to you. Woman: That would be six days! Wally: Six or seven days. Tops. Woman: I need it in three days, not a week. Wally: That's no problem. A week or two at the most. Woman: Okay! You win! I'll reschedule my meeting for two weeks out! And you'll have the data in two weeks? Wally: Yes. Two weeks or so.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 05, 2011's comic on:


Tags #anxiety, #stress, #interviews

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: Are you creative? Man: Oh, yes. I'm very creative. Alice: Research tells us that creative people take ethical shortcuts and are generally less honest. Man: Ooh. Alice: Do you take a long time to do things? Man: I don't know the right answer! Interview

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 06, 2011's comic on:


Tags #office workers, #interviews

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: Can you work long hours if needed? Man: Yes. It's normal for me to work 14 hours a day. Alice: Research shows that working long hours causes people to make bad decisions. So we know you're a bad decision maker. Are you a good communicator? Man: Is the right answer "no"? Interview

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 07, 2011's comic on:


Tags #computers & peripherals, #business ethics

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: I recommend that you buy the Dogbert database software. Boss: Did I just pay a consultant to recommend his own company's software? Dogbert: I'm totally objective. Boss: Who would install and test it? Dogbert: Maybe a consultant who knows the product? Dogbert consults

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 08, 2011's comic on:


Tags #conversation, #computer software, #computers & peripherals

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: We need to enhance our sector-relevant support for a suite of integrated risk assessment tools. Do you understand? Dilbert: Maybe. Is your point that you don't know how to communicate? Man: No. Dilbert: Oh. Then I didn't get it.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 09, 2011's comic on:


Tags #thinking, #laziness

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Did you read my technical recommendation? Boss: No. It's too long and complicated. Dilbert: How do you plan to make a decision without reading it? Boss: I'll use my gut. Dilbert: It's probably a good idea to keep your brain out of this. Boss: Quiet! It's saying something. Noise: GROWL.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 10, 2011's comic on:


Tags #thinking, #cruelty

View Transcript

Transcript

Coworker: I like to think of myself as a creative person. Alice: And by that you mean you're bad at math and you don't have any analytical skills. Dilbert: Is it permanent?