Search Results for "Alice Performance Review"
Share December 30, 2007's comic on:
"Alice, your resume is impressive." "Tell me why you want to be promoted to management." "Well. Obviously there's the money and prestige." "I'm also attracted by the prospect of doing much less work." "The opportunity to abuse subordinates is a big plus." "And I speak fluent Managerese. Watch this..." "Fuh fuh fuh fuh fuh" "Did you really want that job?" "No, but I love interviewing!"
Share August 20, 2007's comic on:
"Alice, you have the highest salary in the department. But don't tell anyone what it is." "Dilbert, you have the highest salary in the department. But don't tell anyone what it is." "I can't believe I never thought of that before." "Yeah, especially since you're the highest paid manager."
Share September 11, 2007's comic on:
"Alice, see me at the end of business today." "Ohmygod, ohymygod, what corpse floated up from the ocean floor? I can't wait seven hours. Gah!" Seven hours later "What?! What?! What?!" "Can you come back tomorrow?"
Share September 19, 2007's comic on:
"Alice, Did you hear I'm getting a cubicle by the window?" "Although I wouldn't want that cubicle because of the glare, the fact that you want it makes me hate you for getting it." "We're like a family here." "I hope it collapses on your head!"
Share December 20, 2007's comic on:
"Alice, I want you to move to a cubicle closer to the rest of the department." "Is there a reason that isn't apparent, or is this coming from the reptilian part of your brain?" "How would you know?" "That's a surprisingly good point."
Share March 05, 2006's comic on:
"Alice, my laptop is slowing down. Can you take a look at it?" "Here's the problem. There's too much smut on your hard drive." "I recommend deleting the film clips that have poor lighting." "And here's a whole category that you haven't looked at in weeks." "I'll move those to an external drive in case you need 'em later." "Wally has all this stuff on the server. You don't need it on your laptop." "What the...? You pinhead! You disabled your firewall!" "If you work here long enough, your outrage ends up in all of the wrong places." "Who moved my stapler?!!"
Share July 23, 2006's comic on:
"What the...? How can you be relaxed with so much work to do?" "Your mistake is taking pride in how much work you can complete." "You see, Alice, there's an infinite quantity of potential work." "But it's only possible to do a finite amount." "You have set yourself up for certain failure according to your own arbitrary standard." "By way of contrast, I take pride in not taking pride in my work." "I've already achieved my goal and it's not even lunch time yet." "Don't you need a new goal for after lunch?" "I'm aiming for a distended stomach."
Share December 03, 2006's comic on:
"Alice, you need to use up your vacation days before the end of the year." "You told me I had to finish my project before the end of the year." "I have 19 vacation days to use and there are 19 work days left in the year." "That leaves zero days to do 19 days worth of work." "You could work on weekends and use weekdays for vacation." "Why the @#$% would I do that?!!" "Because vacations reduce your stress. Duh." "You'd think that would be obvious." "AAIEEE!!!" PUNCH!!!
Share November 12, 2006's comic on:
"Before you energize my team with your proposal, let me introduce everyone." "This is Wally. He'll show no reaction because he hopes apathy will kill our idea before it creates work." "This is Alice. She'll leave halfway through your presentation to take a phone call." "This is Asok. He'll be enthusiastic because he doesn't understand how the real world works." "This is Dilbert. He'll tell you why your idea is impossible." "This is Carol. She'll spend the entire meeting wondering if that's your real hair." "And this is Ted. He gave his two-weeks' notice last week." "And I like to keep my eyes closed the entire time because of my allergies. Go."