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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 05, 1994's comic on:


Tags #benefits, #define reality, #half the cost, #keep objectives, #rewrite business case, #cut funding

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The Boss: I decided to cut your project funding in half but keep the objectives the same. Its a brilliant plan, We get all the benefits at half the costs! Dilbert: Why is it that the nuttiest people define reality? The boss: and why couldn't I rewrite the business case to increase revenue?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 06, 1994's comic on:


Tags #managing, #marketing group, #previous manager killed, #parking lot, #run down, #murder, #apathy to murder, #body on bumper

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The Boss: "In addition to my current duties, I'll be managing the marketing group." "The marketing job opened because the previous manager got run down in the parking lot." "When they needed a good manager, they knew where to look." Dilbert: "Under your bumper?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 07, 1994's comic on:


Tags #never managed, #marketing people, #do marketing things, #segments, #focus groups, #segmenting, #dominate industry, #motivated

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The Boss: "I've never managed marketing people before. But a good manager can manage anything." "So...I order you to go do marketing things...like segmenting and focus groups..." "And keep focusing and segmenting until we dominate the industry!!!" Worker: "Well, I'm motivated."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 08, 1994's comic on:


Tags #two people, #focus group, #loved prodcut, #not statistically useful, #free food, #sandwhiches

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The Boss: Two people in a focus group loved our product. So we're doubling our production. Dilbert: The opinions of two people are not statically useful. ...especially if you're one of the two people. The boss: I knew those free sandwiches were too good to be true.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 17, 1994's comic on:


Tags #client server, #project, #reasoning, #six minutes, #time line, #world wide operations, #understand

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The Boss: I put together a time line for your project. I started by reasoning that anything I don't understand is easy to do. Phase one: design a client-server architecture for our world wide operations time: six minutes.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 24, 1994's comic on:


Tags #confidential, #ethics offcie, #weasel boy, #ethics expert

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The Boss: "The company hired an ethics expert to help us through the gray areas." "Your calls to the ethics office are completely confidential." Dogbert: "Thanks for sharing that. I own you now, Weasel-boy."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 28, 1994's comic on:


Tags #new finance guy, #hate automatically, #justify photocopy, #business case, #make copies, #pinch pennies, #natural

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The Boss: Ray's our new finance guy. He's got a face that makes you hate him automatically. Dilbert: You're right, Im already heating I'm. The Boss: wait until he opens his mouth! Ray: From now on I want a business case to justify all of your photocopying. The Boss: is he a natural or what?!!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 31, 1994's comic on:


Tags #jar, #soul of mail boy, #shake hold to light, #bargaining table, #union rights, #negotiating

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Dilbert: Whats in the jar? The Boss: Its the soul of the Willy Mail Boy. If you shake it real hard and hold it up to the light you can see it. Dilbert: The union didn't do to well at the old bargaining table this year. willy: These aren't our glory years.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 01, 1994's comic on:


Tags #product development process, #buy in, #managers, #happy if dead, #executive oversight, #issues, #blind, #looked at bulb

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The Boss points to a diagram and says, "Problem: our product development process requires buy-in from managers who'd be happier if we all died." As he puts a new transparency on the overhead projector, the Boss says, "My solution is to create executive oversight groups who don't understand the issues and don't have time to meet." Wally and Dilbert watch as the Boss looks into the light and yells, "I'm . . . I'm blind!" Dilbert says, "You looked directly at the bulb again."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 02, 1994's comic on:


Tags #employee survey, #no startegy, #quality team, #root cause, #employees are ninnies, #more stock options

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The Boss, Wally and Dilbert sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "The employee survey showed that 95% of the company believes we have no consistent strategy." The Boss continues, "So the executives formed a 'quality team' to determine the root cause of the problem." A man points to a chart and says to three people seated at a table, "We've narrowed it down to either 'employees are ninnies' or 'we deserve more stock options.'"