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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"Dilbert says my plan won't work. I need a second opinion." "Hypothetically, if I say your plan is terrific, would I end up being the engineer who has to implement it?" "Maybe." "Your plan reeks of infeasibility."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Dilbert and Wally refuse to support my project plan. Will you take a look at it? "GAAA!!! The stupidity is leaping off the page and burrowing into my brain!!!" "Does anyone around here known how to say a simple 'This won't work'?" gurgle

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Your engineers think my project plan won't work. "I'll assign Wally to your project. He's a perfect fit." "Because he's a problem solver?" "Because he won't work either."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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CHIPS "Hello Dogbert. I am here to persuade you to give your billions to third world countries." "If guilt does not work, I am prepared to wrestle you for it." "How's your decoy working out?" "He's got Bono in a headlock."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"I got a job at the Indian company where you outsourced my job." "Then I arranged to work from home, which, as you know, is my old cubicle." "Fine. Here's your assignment." "E-mail it to me. My day starts in 10 hours."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"You need to work this weekend." "There's no work to do. I'm waiting for input." "That doesn't matter. Strong leaders make their people work on weekends." "Then he asked me what the clueless leaders do, as if I would know that."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"Don't worry, Alice. Stinky Pete is here to work closely with you on that technical problem." "I like to begin by releasing all of my negative energy." BRRAAAP! "AAEEII!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Stinky Pete "I was jogging to work and eating my onion sandwich when I spotted a sewage spill." "So I did what anyone would do in that situation: I rolled around in it." "A penny for your thoughts." "I must insert my head into my buttocks so I can breathe."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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I can no longer work with you because of what you said to someone about me. "What did I allegedly say to whom?" "I can't tell you without violating the insane chick code of ethics."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Today I had a choice of doing something important that no one would ever realize... "...Or doing something useless that would look like an accomplishment." "So I attended meetings until I could no longer appreciate the difference." "Keep up the good work."