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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 10, 2013's comic on:


Tags #cruelty, #monsters, #taxes, #taxpayers head explode, #turned on, #head explodes, #taxpayers, #frustration

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Writing the Tax Code Monster: If we do this right, it will be so complicated that it will make taxpayers' heads explode. Dogbert: Hee! Hee! Man: Multiply line 32 times the opposite of the integral of line 19 unless my pants have pleats and gaaaa!!!! Dogbert: Do you ever feel bad about doing this? Monster: I'd be lying if I said it didn't turn me on just a little.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 11, 2013's comic on:


Tags #ignorance (knowledge), #managers & supervisors, #work ethic, #wifi enabled, #bus, #commute from san fransico

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Dilbert: Google provides a wi-fi enabled bus for its employees to commute from San Francisco. Why can't we be more like that? Boss: You want to be more like a bus? Dilbert: I found the problem.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 12, 2013's comic on:


Tags #anger, #employees, #violence, #contradcited, #meeting, #fist of death, #robots, #no legal rights, #cardio, #oiled my pan

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Alice: You contradicted me in a meeting today and I didn't appreciate it. I'm no allowed to use my fist of death on humans, but you robots have no legal rights. It's not personal. This is how I get my cardio. Robot: I just oiled my pan.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 13, 2013's comic on:


Tags #internet & world wide web, #revenge, #killed robot, #uploaded personality, #internet, #decommissioned it, #subroutines, #haunting

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Dilbert: You killed our robot. Alice: He had it coming. Dilbert: Are you aware that it uploaded its personality to the internet before you violently decommissioned it? Alice: What? Dilbert: Did you know it had subroutines for haunting, revenge, and being a jerk. Alice: What? Robot: We meet again.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 15, 2013's comic on:


Tags #ordnance testing, #tremble in fear, #new missile, #enemies tremble, #corncobs, #elbonia

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Elbonian 1: Comrades of North Elbonia, our new missile will make our enemies tremble in fear! Elbonian 2: Really? It looks like you tied a bunch of corncobs to a tree stump and put a small pumpkin on top. Elbonian 1: This isn't the missile, and you have insulted my girlfriend.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 16, 2013's comic on:


Tags #executives, #ignorance (knowledge), #table tennis, #ping pong table, #central area, #disrupt floor, #questioning motivation

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CEO: Let's get a ping-pong table so we look like a great place to work. Put it in a central area that will disrupt the entire floor if anyone uses it. I just realized that I don't know why noise comes out of my mouth.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 17, 2013's comic on:


Tags #deception, #stock market, #hedge fund compnay, #investment fund, #misleading claims, #3 week period

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Dogbert: The best way to evaluate an investment fund is to look at its misleading claims of past performance. The Dogbert Hedge Fund beat the market average for a three-week period... that one time. Boss: Can you do that again? Dogbert: It depends on what you mean by "that." ----

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 18, 2013's comic on:


Tags #conversation, #deception, #political reasons, #irrational nonsense, #filter

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Boss: Your plan is technically sound, but I have to reject it for political reasons I can't share. Dilbert: I'll come back with some plans that are irrational nonsense and see if they make it past your filter. Boss: I'll always wonder if there was a better way to handle that.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 19, 2013's comic on:


Tags #competition (psychology), #managers & supervisors, #thwarting rivals, #competitions, #expensive engineering solutions

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Dilbert: Have you heard any rumors about what is driving our boss's decisions lately? Alice: He's thwarting a rival within the company by offering only prohibitively expensive engineering solutions. Dilbert: My work has meaning, but it's not the good kind.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 20, 2013's comic on:


Tags #laziness, #work ethic, #well rested people, #nap, #ignore science, #synchronize questions, #banana eating

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Wally: Studies show that well-rested people are more productive. Should I go take a nap or should I ignore science like some sort of pointy-haired baboon? I like to synchronize my questions to his banana-eating.