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Dilbert Enters The Jargon Matrix

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Dilbert Enters The Jargon Matrix - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 11, 2017's comic on:


Tags #jargon, #language, #matrix, #communication

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Dilbert: Asok entered the jargon matrix. I'm going in to save him. Asok: User experience... Dilbert: Cloud... blockchain... speed of execution... responsive design... peel the onion... move the needle... Asok: Sustainability. Dilbert: I'm in. Asok: What the...? Where did you come from? Narrator: Continued...

Dilbert Red Pills Asok

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Dilbert Red Pills Asok - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 12, 2017's comic on:


Tags #jargon, #language, #nonsense, #productivity, #illusion, #alternate reality

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Dilbert: Nothing in this dimension is real. Asok: Double-click on that. Dilbert: The jargon matrix is where people imagine they are being useful. But in reality, they are sitting in a chair doing nothing. Asok: I just made a ten-year technology plan.

Wally Moves Into Bathroom Stall

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Wally Moves Into Bathroom Stall - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 13, 2017's comic on:


Tags #living, #home, #bathroom

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Wally: I decided to move into a bathroom stall and live there forever. The pieces all came together when I got this food delivery app. Alice: What about the ambiance? Wally: It must be hard to have high standards.

3 D Printer Will Save Millions

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3 D Printer Will Save Millions - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 14, 2017's comic on:


Tags #altruism, #money, #profit, #big business, #priorities, #morals, #life

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Dilbert: I invented a 3-D printer for the poor that can create any kind of generic drug or medical device. It will save millions. Boss: ...of dollars? Dilbert: People. Boss: Pass.

Bug In The Platform

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Bug In The Platform - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 15, 2017's comic on:


Tags #work ethic, #excuse, #laziness, #proof

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Boss: Did you add the new feature yet? Wally: No, I had to fix a critical bug in the platform first. Boss: I have no way to verify that claim. Wally: That's why it's a good one.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 16, 2017's comic on:


Tags #waiter, #restaurant, #service industry, #impatient, #patience, #complaining

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Waiter: Here are your french fries. Dilbert: Gaaaa!!! I have no salt. Waiter: I will bring the salt right away. Dilbert: No, you won't. This isn't my first time eating out! You say you will bring salt, but you will be distracted by another table. I will sit here in anger while I watch you do things that do not involve bringing me salt. As the temperature of my fries drops, my cortisol levels will increase. In five minutes I will hate your guts and this restaurant, too. I also need ketchup. Waiter: That will take a little longer.

Wally Volunteers For Vr Project

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Wally Volunteers For Vr Project - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 17, 2017's comic on:


Tags #vr, #virtual reality, #nap, #sleeping, #work, #laziness, #work ethic, #deception

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Wally: I'd like to work on the VR headset project on top of my other duties. Boss: That's weird. You've never volunteered for extra work before. Wally: People change. Boss: Or not.

Wally's Sleep Vr

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Wally's Sleep Vr - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 18, 2017's comic on:


Tags #vr, #virtual reality, #sleeping, #nap, #deception, #technology

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Wally: I wrote a VR program that creates the illusion you are asleep. Watch me demonstrate. ZZZZZ. CEO: How long should I watch?

Evil Orc

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Evil Orc - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 19, 2017's comic on:


Tags #fantasy, #virtual reality, #work, #boss, #orc, #monster

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Dilbert: I wrote a VR program that turns the workplace into a "Lord Of The Rings" adventure. Gaaaa!!! It's an evil orc! Boss: I guess your program randomly assigns characters to real people. Dilbert: Um, yes, random.

Vr Cubicle

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Vr Cubicle - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 20, 2017's comic on:


Tags #virtual reality, #office, #cubicle, #fantasy, #illusion

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Boss: We're going to use our VR technology to take over the cubicle business. Write a program that makes users feel as if they are working in a fabric-covered box. Dilbert: Maybe we should think outside the box. Boss: Stop resisting change.