Search Results for "design"
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Character
Thursday April 12,
2007
Monday November 19,
2012
Tags #business ethics, #gotcha fees, #airlines, #make moneky, #terrible battery life, #high five
Transcript
Dogbert: You need to have more "gotcha" fees. That's how airlines make their money. For example, you could design your product to have a terrible battery life, then sell extra chargers for ten times your cost. CEO: And maybe the chargers could break after two months. Dogbert: High five!
Sunday November 18,
2012
Tags #crimes, #engineers, #engineering question, #holiday lights, #homeless guy, #catapult, #satellite map, #fell off roof, #flight oath, #neighbors pool, #broken leg, #heartless
Transcript
Boss: Do you have a minute to answer an engineering question? My wife is out of town visiting her sister. She asked me to put up the holiday lights while she was gone. I hired a homeless guy to do it and he fell off the roof. What's the easiest way to get rid of the body before my wife comes home? Dilbert: Your question is disturbing, but I'm intrigued by the engineering part. Here's a design for a catapult you can build at home. And here's a satellite map showing the best flight path to a neighbor's pool. Did he die right away? Boss: No, just a broken leg.
Sunday April 14,
2013
Tags #inventions, #win battle, #developing better tv sets, #digital couch, #butt warmer, #bottle opener, #back scratcher, #control lights, #temperature, #buttocks like a mouse
Transcript
Wally: The biggest tech companies want to win the battle for your living room. But they are unwisely focusing on developing better TV sets. Today I give you me design for a fully digital couch. It has all of the features you would expect, including a butt warmer, surround sound, bottle opener and back scratcher. But you can also control the lights, curtains, temperature and TV by using your buttocks like a mouse on the seat cushion. This is a loft click and... this is a right. The prototype arrives tomorrow, and I'll be testing it for the next six months. Maybe I'll sell my house.
Friday April 05,
2013
Tags #designers, #ignorance (knowledge), #black buttons, #black case, #hardware, #user interface, #normal light, #nerdy, #art, #package design
Transcript
Dilbert: You designed our hardware with black buttons on a black case. The user interface will be invisible in normal light. Designer: But more important, it looks great! Dilbert: You don't know what "important" means, do you? Designer: It sounds nerdy. I majored in art.
Saturday June 07,
2008
Tags #executive steering group, #cancel designs, #sowed seeds of destruction, #unclear
Transcript
The Boss says, "The executive steering group took your recommendation to cancel all design projects." Dilbert says, "What?!! I didn't recommend that!" The Boss says, "Uh-oh. Your poor communication skills have sowed the seeds of our destruction." Dilbert says, "Gaaa!!!" Dilbert says, "Am I an unclear communicator?" Dogbert says, "six o'clock."
Tuesday October 21,
2008
Tags #logo, #prototype, #graphics dept, #create logos
Transcript
Dilbert says, "And I need you to design a logo for our prototype." A man says, "We don't do that. We're the graphics support department. Talk to the graphics production department." Dilbert says, "They create logos?" The man says, "No, they tell people we do it."
Monday February 08,
2010
Tags #the boss, #dead, #ductwork, #stuck, #meeting, #discuss, #solution, #cool device, #duct pressure, #carcass, #jerry maguire
Transcript
Dilbert says, "Our pointy-haired boss is stuck in our building's ductwork and presumed dead." Dilbert says, "We can alert the proper authorities, or we can design a totally cool device to increase the duct pressure and propel his carcass into the stratosphere." Alice says, "You had me at 'carcass.'"
Friday March 12,
2010
Tags #meeting, #weekly report, #feng shui, #workspace, #ceo, #consultant, #record, #microphone, #nervous, #disbelief, #excuse, #superstition
Transcript
Wally says, "I couldn't work this week because my workspace has bad Feng Shui." Wally says, "I know Feng Shui is a real thing because our CEO hired a Feng Shui consultant to design his office." Wally says, "Do you agree, or are you saying that our CEO is a superstitious simpleton?"
Friday January 16,
2009
Tags #Advice, #help, #meeting, #injury, #violence
Transcript
Dilbert says, "I have no project of my own, so I wander the cubicles offering unsolicited advice." Dilbert says, "Speaking of which, you should put a little extra thought into your cooling system design. It looks monkey-made." Dilbert says, "I'm discovering that honest and helpful are a bad combination."