Search Results for "manager"

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 11, 2015's comic on:


Tags #manager, #work, #results, #observation, #thinking, #strategy, #proof, #evidence

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: I did a huge amount of work this week. I created a matrix that compares all of our technology options. Boss: Can I see this alleged matrix? Wally: It's in my head. I didn't see a need to write it down. Boss: How would I know if you did it right? Wally: You're not an engineer, so you wouldn't know it was right even if you saw it. You tell me to "work smarter" but you get angry when I do. Boss: You're not allowed to do your work in your head! Wally: Which body part do you use?

If All You Have Is A Hammer

Thank you for voting.
If All You Have Is A Hammer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 28, 2015's comic on:


Tags #nail, #problem, #manager, #violence, #hitting, #hit, #hammer, #aphorism

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Alice, if all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail. [Alice sees the boss as a nail]. Alice: That is not the dumbest thing you have ever said. Boss: Thank you.

Boss Offers To Help

Thank you for voting.
Boss Offers To Help - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 04, 2016's comic on:


Tags #deadline, #help, #manager, #incompetent, #obliviousness, #extension

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I can't get everything done by the deadline. Boss: I'll stop by later to help. Dilbert: That's funny. Boss: What's funny? Dilbert: Using incompetence as a substitute for time.

Fbi Has Been Tracking Asok

Thank you for voting.
Fbi Has Been Tracking Asok - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 01, 2016's comic on:


Tags #terrorism, #terrorist, #radicalization, #extremism, #frustration, #manager, #leader, #fbi

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: We've been tracking an accused terrorist named Asok. We believe he was radicalized here. Woman: What did you do to him? Boss: Leadership? Man: Yup. That's the top cause.

Electric Car Project

Thank you for voting.
Electric Car Project - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 06, 2016's comic on:


Tags #manager, #labor, #time, #time management, #obliviousness

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Welcome to the first meeting of our project to design an electric car. We've never tried to build an electric car, but how hard could it be? Dilbert: It's very hard. Boss: It doesn't feel that way. My part is mostly talk.

Coaching Alice

Thank you for voting.
Coaching Alice - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 12, 2017's comic on:


Tags #coaching, #mentor, #boss, #manager, #Advice

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Do you want some coaching? Alice: Heck yes. If you find someone who knows my job better than I do, send them my way. Boss: Maybe I could share my wisdom with you. Alice: Can you teach me how to stay calm when some idiot interrupts me?

Resources Complain

Thank you for voting.
Resources Complain - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 15, 2017's comic on:


Tags #leadership, #language, #jargon, #manager

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: I want to lodge a complaint against Dilbert. He called me a "resource." I find that offensive. Boss: Then he offended one of the resources. CEO: You're right. He does sound like a natural leader.

Dilbert Has Management Potential

Thank you for voting.
Dilbert Has Management Potential - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 16, 2017's comic on:


Tags #manager, #honesty, #insult, #obliviousness

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Our CEO thinks you have management potential. Dilbert: What did I do to deserve that kind of insult??! Boss: He called you a heartless monster. CEO: He speaks truth to power. I like it.

Dilbert Loses His Budget

Thank you for voting.
Dilbert Loses His Budget - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 17, 2017's comic on:


Tags #vacation, #decision, #funding, #money

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: You were on vacation last week so I made decisions about your project without you. Dilbert: Oh no... what have you done? Boss: I transferred your budget to another project. Dilbert: I need that money! Boss: Oh. Can you wait until the other project manager goes on vacation?

It's Like You Never Existed

Thank you for voting.
It's Like You Never Existed - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 01, 2017's comic on:


Tags #supervisor, #manager, #false comparison

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: I spent the past week fixing a critical bug in the software that I forgot to tell you about. Boss: In a way, it's like you never existed. Alice: No, it's not like that at all. Boss: And you have a bad attitude on top of all that.