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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 11, 1998's comic on:


Tags #accept transfer, #frozen asteroid, #surplussed, #map

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Bob tells Alice, "If I don't accept the transfer to a frozen asteroid, I'll be superplugged." Alice says, "Ted, let me show you something on this map." Alice points and asks, "See this tiny island?" Ted answers, "Yes." Alice says, "That's where the people who care live."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 21, 1993's comic on:


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Dogbert sits at a desk in front of a sign that says "Dogbert's Digital Dating Service." A man enters and says, "I'm a loser. Sign me up." Dogbert aims a camera at the man and says, "Say 'Velveeta.'" The man smiles. Dogbert sits at a computer and says, "Now we digitize your picture for the database." Dogbert says, "I could add some digital hair." The man replies, "Good idea." Dogbert says, "Maybe I should bob your nose and give you a tan." The man says, "That's fair." Dogbert asks, "Whiten teeth? Smooth wrinkles? Hide stomach? Thicken lips?" The man replies, "Yes" to all of his questions. The man looks at the final photo and says, "I look like Sandra Bernhard." Dogbert replies, "Yeah, but you have to admit it improves your odds."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 04, 1998's comic on:


Tags #strange dream, #alice, #research, #someone else dream, #graose, #seedless, #science

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Alice goes to sit down at the conference table. She says, "I had a strange dream last night." Bob says, "Research has shown that nothing is less interesting than hearing about someone's dream." Alice says, "..But this was no ordinary grape. It was a seedless!" Bob covers his ears and yells, "My brain is gnawing its way out!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 06, 1998's comic on:


Tags #marketing dept, #brochures, #new prodcut, #dominate market, #sales, #don't make product, #business

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Bob hands Dilbert something and says, "The marketing department saves the day! Check out these brochures I made." Bob reports, "This new product will allow us to dominate the market!" Dilbert says, "But we don't make this product." Bob says, "That hasn't hurt our sales so far."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 07, 1998's comic on:


Tags #promise customers, #product not yet designed, #motto, #ask forgiveness, #seek permission, #design work

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Bob tells Alice and Dilbert, "Maybe it was wrong to promise our customers a product that hasn't been designed yet." Bob says, "But our motto in marketing is, "'It's better to ask for forgiveness than to seek permission.'" Alice holds Bob over the roof. He is dangling. Dilbert says, "Your motto needs some design work too."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 08, 1999's comic on:


Tags #webmistress ming, #website, #dancing skeletins, #suggest dinosuar, #pictures, #technology

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Webmistress Ming: The boss is sitting in front of his computer and Ming is standing taking notes. The boss says, "Our web site needs some dancing skeletons." The boss says, "Normally I'd suggest dinosaur pictures but they're too big for our disk drives." Ming takes notes. The boss says, "Are you getting this down, Ming?" Mign answers, "How do you spell "#%*@!"?" and walks away.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 27, 2002's comic on:


Tags #management decision, #too distarcted, #make informed decison, #random, #no answer

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Dilbert says to The Boss, "...And that's why I need a management decision." The Boss says, "Hi, Bill!" Dilbert says, "But you are too distracted to make an informed decision, so this will be random." The Boss says, "Bob!" Dilbert says, "And here it comes." The Boss replies, "Would 'No' be an answer to anything you said?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 31, 2002's comic on:


Tags #new baby, #lack of sleep, #taking toll, #i am mother, #no sleep, #working with no sleep

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Dilbert approaches a markedly disheveled coworker and asks, "How's your new baby?" The coworker responds, "Wonderful, but the lack of sleep is taking a toll on my body." Dilbert asks, "How's Becky doing?" The coworker responds, "I AM Becky. Bob looks worse."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 31, 2002's comic on:


Tags #bio metric, #security system, #checks pulse, #heat, #fingerprints, #Wally, #indentify

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The Boss introduces an employee, "Bob will demonstrate our new biometric security system." Bob motions towards the machine and says, "The system checks for pulse, heat and fingerprints to identify each employee." Wally puts his hand on the machine and says, "It says I don't have any of those things." Bob replies, "Are you the one they call Wally?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 18, 2004's comic on:


Tags #product designer, #success, #best artists, #design professionals, #ate crayons, #intruders

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Product designer Dogbert: Good design is essential to you success. Thats why I empty only the best artists and design professionals. Who ate all the crayons again?! Ratbert: Intruders?