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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 24, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #ratbert, #elbonia, #elbonian man, #body guard

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Dilbert packs his suitcase. Ratbert says, "I'll go with you on your trip to Elbonia. I can be your bodyguard." Dilbert replies, "It's not a good place for a rat. The mud is quite . . ." Ratbert yells, "You think I'm not tough enough? I'll show you!!" In Elbonia, an Elbonian points at a bump in the mud next to Dilbert and asks, "And THAT'S your bodyguard?" Ratbert says from under the mud, "I don't like the tone of your voice."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 26, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #elbonia, #elbonian men, #philosophy

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Dilbert says to two Elbonians, "You start by identifying problem areas." One Elbonian sniffs while another says, "Hmm . . . Sometimes our mittens get stuck to our noses and we can't breathe." As an Elbonian struggles with his mitten, another says, "Yorgi! Try to breathe with your mouth!" Dilbert says, "People! Let's talk metrics, please!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 27, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #elbonia, #elbonian men, #presentation, #quality management

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Dilbert points to a visual aid and says, "The fishbone diagram helps identify the root cause of problems." Dilbert continues as three Elbonians listen, "In your case, the root problem seems to be that you're a nation of imbeciles . . ." An Elbonian says, "True, but YOU'RE the one who had to draw a dead fish to figure it out." Another man says, "You're in the club! Here's your hat."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 28, 1993's comic on:


Tags #elbonia, #elbonian men, #Dilbert, #productivity

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An Elbonian says to Dilbert, "Thank you for teaching us 'quality' techniques." The Elbonian continues, "Manufacturing defects are down fifty percent since we all joined 'quality teams.'" The other Elbonian says, "Yes!" The Elbonian asks, "How's our productivity, Yorgi?" Yorgi replies, "Down fifty percent." Dilbert thinks as he walks away, "They're on to me."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 24, 1994's comic on:


Tags #elbonian division, #launching staellites, #technology, #elbonians

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The Boss: Our Elbonian division was the low bidder for launching French satellites into orbit. Im putting you personally in charge Make sure they use the right technology. Elbonia OOPS elbonian: I hope those things aren't expensive.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 28, 1995's comic on:


Tags #fetch coffee, #surprise you, #kicked into hat, #alice, #elbonian, #sexist, #coffee wench

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Alice, Dilbert, Wally and an Elbonian sit around a conference table. The Elbonian hands a coffee cup to Alice who says, "In this country we have a custom when men ask women to fetch coffee." Alice continues, "Stand up . . . That's it . . . Now this will really surprise you." Dilbert and Wally cover their eyes and Wally says, "Oh God." A hat with feet sticking out of it sits on the chair where the Elbonian was sitting. Wally says, "I've never seen anybody get kicked into his hat before." Dilbert says, "That's gotta hurt."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 29, 1995's comic on:


Tags #elbonian owner, #competetor, #motto, #beat em join em, #humiliate, #not catchy

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The Boss stands outside a row of cubicles. Wally peeks out of his cubicle and Dilbert stands in the door of his cubicle. The Boss says to Dilbert, "Our Elbonian owners sold the company to our biggest competitor." The Boss continues, "Our motto is 'If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.'" Dilbert says, "I wonder what THEIR motto is." The Boss says, "Their motto is 'After you beat 'em, humiliate 'em.'" Dilbert says, "It's not very catchy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 22, 1996's comic on:


Tags #elbonia, #check software, #under contract, #documentation, #elbonian language, #wiring easy, #hope to read

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The caption says, "Somewhere in Elbonia." Dilbert says to two Elbonians, "I've been assigned to check the software you're writing for us under contract." One Elbonian says, "The documentation is written in our own Elbonian language." The other asks, "Is that a problem?" Dilbert says, "That's better than I'd hoped. I was afraid nobody here knew how to write." An Elbonian responds, "Writing is easy. Someday we hope to read, too."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 16, 1996's comic on:


Tags #elbonian database, #payroll, #accounts receivable, #golf balls

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Dilbert and an Elbonian man sit at a conference table. The Elbonian says, "Our Elbonian database product can replace every one of your current systems." Dilbert says, "No thanks." The Elbonian tells Alice, "It can do payroll, accounts receivable, inventory, sales . . ." Alice says, "No thanks." The Elbonian tells the Boss, "And I'll throw in some golf balls." The Boss replies, "It's a deal! Just toss them in the lake with all my other ones."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 17, 1996's comic on:


Tags #computer support, #elbonian data base, #expensive consultant, #five hundred dollars, #meeting, #business

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The Boss, Alice, Ratbert, Wally and Dilbert sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "We're going to replace our computer support systems with the Elbonian database product." The Boss gestures toward Ratbert and continues, "It's risky, but don't worry. I've hired an outrageously expensive consultant who has never done this before." Ratbert says to Wally, "I earned five hundred dollars just coming to this meeting. How's YOUR day going?" Wally replies, "It won't make my top ten."