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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"Dilbert, I'm forming a small clique of all the young, funny, single people in the department." "We'll have drinks during lunch, talk about ski trips, and have romances within the group." "Please...just shoot me now." "No, no...we need you to do our work."

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"He's explaining something that I already understand. I've got to stop him." "Blah blah blah." "I'll try vigorous nodding and agreeing, plus closed body language." "Blah blah blah." "Right right right." "And have I ever told you how 'velcro' works?" "Maybe if I block the oxygen to my brain..."

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I call it 'Dogbert's Reincarnation Investment Fund'.

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"I invented a stealth business suit to avoid assignments at work today." "What do you think, Dogbert?" "Ha Ha! My sound dampers have cancelled you out!" "Now watch what happens if somebody tries to attach a little yellow sticky note to me." "See! Nothing sticks to the special polymers!" "And my wireless phone and pager are encased in lead, so they can't detect incoming calls." "Well, I'm off to 'work'. Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!" "There goes the happiest man who ever forgot it was Sunday."

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I'm going to defy the cubicle gestapo and keep this plastic plant on my desk.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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I synthesized the pheremones that make men and women attracted to each other.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"I'm wearing a synthetic pheremone scent that makes me irresistible. It should kick in any minute." "Uh-oh." "Waiter! Here's three hundred dollars. If I start to flirt with him, kill him!" "So far so good" "I've got to...mace...myself..."