Search Results for "Alice Performance Review"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 02, 1998's comic on:


Tags #performance review, #met objectives, #packed schedule, #urgent, #handle this, #sample of handwriting

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Caption reads: "Performance Review." The Boss says, "Let's see how many of your objectives you met." Dilbert asks, "What objectives?" The Boss looks at a piece of pape and says, "Didn't you know you had objectives?" Dilbert replies, "I don't see how I would have had time to work on objectives." Dilbert continues, "My schedule was packed." The Boss asks, "Doing what?" Dilbert replies, "Every morning you leave things on my chair with a sign that says, 'Urgent: Handle this.'" The Boss replies, "No I don't." Dilbert walks into Wally's cubicle and says, "Wally, can I see a sample of your handwriting?" Wally thinks, "Uh-oh."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 05, 2000's comic on:


Tags #bad performance review, #tape measure, #measure twice

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The boss is at a table flanked by Dilbert and Wally. The boss says, "My philosophy is: measure twice.." The boss continues, "Then cut twice, then uh..." Wally says, "Give the tape measure a bad performance review?" Dilbert giggles, "Hee hee!..Ooh."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 03, 2002's comic on:


Tags #alice performance, #needs supervision, #protest, #evil, #purr

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Catbert says to The Boss, "Write on Alice's performance review, 'Needs too much supervision.'" Catbert continues, "When she goes to your office to protest, say, 'See what I mean?'" Catbert finishes, "Ooh! That was so evil I need to purr with my lips!" He spits all over the boss while purring, "P-p-p-urr.. p-p-p-urrr.. p-p-p-p-urr."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 27, 2002's comic on:


Tags #performance review, #two jobs, #well, #attaboy, #no budget for raise, #cheapen

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Headline: Performance Review. The Boss says to Dilbert, "You did two jobs for a year and you did them well." The Boss continues, "I have no budget for raises, so all I can offer is an attaboy." The Boss continues, "The problem is: I don't want to cheapen the whole attaboy system."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 06, 2003's comic on:


Tags #self evaluation, #performance review, #core values, #honesty, #integrity, #Wally, #dishonest

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The Boss: I need your self evaluation so I can write your performance review. Remember to rate yourself on our core values of honesty and integrity. Wally claims he did no work this year. But he's so dishonest , so you can't be sure.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 11, 2012's comic on:


Tags #complaining, #criticism, #performance review, #trap is set

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Performance Review Dilbert: What do you mean by "doesn't take criticism well?" Boss: This is a perfect example. I say one little thing and you go all nuts on me. And the trap is set.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 12, 2012's comic on:


Tags #anger, #complaining, #performance review, #nice leadership, #pile of cake, #lack confidence

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Performance Review Boss: Tina, you lack confidence. Tina: That's because you keep criticizing me! Nice leadership, you perspiring pile of pound cake! Was that better or worse? I can't tell.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 26, 2009's comic on:


Tags #performance, #review, #meeting, #suggestion, #insult, #ridicule, #angry

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Performance Review The Boss says, "You need to get better at anticipating problems." Dilbert says, "If I could anticipate problems, I wouldn't have agreed to work for you." Dilbert says ,"You seem angry, I did not see that coming."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 07, 2010's comic on:


Tags #quality tester, #version 2, #engineer, #overpaid, #appear, #performance review, #office politics, #raise, #arms out, #plan, #strategy, #wave folder in face, #angry, #bug eyes, #grit teeth, #insubordination

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The Boss says, "Dilbert, I need you to help with quality testing on Version 2." Dilbert says, "I'm an engineer, not a quality tester.' Dilbert says, "If I do quality testing, even temporarily, it will make me appear grossly overpaid." Dilbert says, "That impression could work against me during my next performance review." Dilbert says, "A one percent difference in pay, compounded over the rest of my life, is big money." Dilbert says, "Obviously my best strategy here is to offer resistance that's just short of insubordination." Dilbert says, "So move on, little man! Scat! Go!" Dilbert says, "Too much?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 27, 2005's comic on:


Tags #deadline, #upcoming, #annual performance review, #finish on time, #agree to disagree, #no raise, #excuses, #disrespect for workers, #annual review, #not paying, #not fare wages

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"Your project deadline is next month, and I can't imagine you finishing on time." "So I dinged you on your annual performance review." "But... I will finish on time." "Well, let's agree to disagree."<r>"What?!" "You're basing my raise on what you IMAGINE I won't do in the furture!" "Relax. If you do finish the project on time, I'll factor it into your next annual review." "Well... Okay. I guess it all averages out." One Year Later "Remember the project that I finished last year?" "No. But the new one looks like it will be late."