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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 04, 2011's comic on:


Tags #comparing a task, #criticism, #employees, #executives, #quality is bad, #your imagination, #time, #quality, #boss, #business

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Boss: Why did this take so long? Dilbert: You're comparing a task - the likes of which has never been done - to your imagination of how long such things should take. Boss: Well then, the quality is bad. Dilbert: Compared to... ?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 07, 2011's comic on:


Tags #employees, #executives, #fought boss, #get raise, #terrific boss, #no credible witnesses, #business

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Boss: I fought with my boss to get you a raise but I lost. I'm always fighting for you behind the scenes. Alice: You're a terrific boss whenever there are no credible witnesses. Boss: Thank you.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 20, 2011's comic on:


Tags #crimes, #gadgets, #inventions, #world class invenotr, #invented prodcuts, #key memeber, #fired for stealing, #stuff to steal, #high five, #hits boss

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Boss: I hired a world-class inventor. Meet Toby. When he worked for our competitor, he invented their coolest product. Toby: I was just a member of a team. Boss: A key member! Toby: Until they fired me for stealing. Wally: You came to the right place. We have tons of stuff to steal and no one ever gets caught! Toby: Give me a high five with a boss head in the middle! Noise: SLAP! Toby: That's the only thing I ever invented. Wally: Have you seen our storage closet?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 17, 2011's comic on:


Tags #boredom, #golf, #golf game, #boss, #talk about game, #locked in syndrome, #no visitors, #Sports

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Boss: Who wants to hear about my golf game? Alice: Maybe someone with locked-in syndrome who doesn't get any visitors. Boss: Just for that, I'm going to tell you twice. Alice: No, please. I'll do anything.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 28, 2011's comic on:


Tags #annoyance, #another anonymous email, #correlation, #employees, #link to article, #worlds worst boss, #business

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Boss: Someone sent me another anonymous email with a link to an article about the world's worst bosses. I get one of those emails every time I leave your cubicle. Did you think I wouldn't notice the correlation? Wally: Correlation does not imply causation.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 05, 2012's comic on:


Tags #boss, #business lunch, #employee, #freedom from tyranny, #lunch, #talk work, #waddle, #waddle away

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Boss: That restaurant was great. Dilbert: I know. I plan to go there someday for lunch. Boss: We just ate lunch. Dilbert: That wasn't lunch. Boss: It wasn't? Dilbert: You talked about work the entire time. Lunch is not defined by food. It's defined by freedom from tyranny. My lunch hour will begin the minute you waddle away. Was this going well until I said "waddle?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 01, 2012's comic on:


Tags #employees, #frustration, #magic, #oogah-boogah, #folder, #assignment, #boss request, #attutude, #business

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Boss: Alice, can you take care of this by close of business today? Alice: Oogah-boogah! Work be done! Let's hope magic is real! Boss: We need to talk about your attitude.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 09, 2012's comic on:


Tags #benefits, #boss, #employee, #huge equity poistion, #questing, #start up, #wear whatever, #work at home

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Boss: We need to act more like a start-up. Dilbert: You mean I can wear whatever I want, work at home, and have a huge equity position in the company? Boss: Oh, I guess I didn't know what that meant.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 25, 2012's comic on:


Tags #meetings, #public speaking, #powerpoint slides, #intelligent viwers, #manipulative anecdotes, #boss died, #praise employees

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Dilbert: My PowerPoint slides have a little something for everyone. For my intelligent viewers, I have data, and for the morons, I have manipulative anecdotes. Which reminds me-- did you hear about the boss who died because he didn't praise his employee?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 07, 2012's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #agreements, #deals, #existence, #empire, #seem larger, #paycheck, #fair plan, #awful world, #balckmail, #boss, #employee

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Wally: IF you agree to give me no work, I will agree to not sue you with some sort of bogus employee claim. My existence will make your empire seem larger, and stockholders will get stuck with the bill for my paycheck. Boss: Why does that seem like a fair plan? Wally: We live in an awful world.