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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 08, 1993's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #broadcast, #message, #computer, #geeks, #declare, #leader, #empire, #virtiual, #electronic, #venod, #exploiting, #leadership, #tradition

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Dogbert stands on a desk chair and types on the computer, "This is Dogbert, with a broadcast e-mail message to all computer geeks . . ." A man reads Dogbert's message on his computer. The message says, "I declare myself to be your leader, and I name my empire the 'Virtual Electronic Nation of Dogbert,' Venod for short." Dilbert looks over Dogbert's shoulder and says, "I assume you'll be exploiting the simple people of Venod for personal gain." Dogbert replies, "Yeah, it's a leadership tradition."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 03, 1994's comic on:


Tags #rock paper scissors, #project approved, #toss up, #random selection

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How Decisions Are Made The Boss: 1-2-3 Rock! scissors! The Boss: Your project is approved...unless scissors can't cut rock. Dilbert: assume its sheet rock.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 01, 1995's comic on:


Tags #hire temp, #apply for job, #ratbert, #all of the respect, #unconditional love, #office and secretary

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Dilbert sits at his desk. Ratbert stands on the desk. Dilbert says, "We're planning to hire a temp at work. You should apply for the job, Ratbert." Ratbert replies, "Wow! Me? A temp?!" Ratbert continues, "As a temp I would finally get all of the respect and unconditional love that I deserve!!" Dilbert thinks, "Danger: sharp learning curve ahead." Ratbert says, "I assume I'll get an office and a secretary."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 14, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #hurt, #chiclets, #reward, #tripping, #snatcher, #purse, #theft

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Dogbert and Dilbert walk through the park humming to themselves. A man steals an old woman's purse. She screams, "Help!! Purse snatcher!!" Dilbert thinks, "Uh-oh . . . He's running this way." Dilbert tells Dogbert, "Act like we didn't see it or we might get hurt." Dogbert trips Dilbert. The thief trips over Dilbert's body and drops the purse into Dogbert's paws. Dogbert hands the pocketbook to the woman. He says, "I assume there's some sort of reward for this." The thief fights with Dilbert. Dogbert says, "Look! I got Chiclets!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 27, 1996's comic on:


Tags #boost morale, #more reviews, #hear employees, #300% more criticism, #working in box

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The Boss says, "Good news, Alice. I'm going to have quarterly performance reviews to boost morale." Alice stands in her cubicle and replies, "Wow! In addition to working sixteen hours a day in this big box, now I'll get 300% more criticism!" The Boss says, "I'll have a chance to hear employee concerns four times a year." Alice says, "I assume comprehension will remain on the bicentennial plan."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 20, 1996's comic on:


Tags #first cigarette ever, #smoking breaks, #entitled, #3x a day, #smoking, #chatting, #fresh air, #color coded end

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Wally approaches a man and a woman who are smoking. He says, "Here's my first cigarette ever. I'm looking forward to the many smoking breaks I'm entitled to." Wally says, "I'll probably see you three times a day, just smoking and chatting and enjoying the fresh air!" Wally says, "I assume you light the color-coded end, right?" The man and woman drop their cigarettes and say, "I quit."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 08, 1998's comic on:


Tags #free thursday, #surprise party, #flowers, #Card, #snowballed, #good taste, #karaoke

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Carol, the Boss's secretary, is taking wirting in a note pad. She says to Wally, "Are you free on Thursday for Ted's surprise party?" Wally says, "Party? You don't give a party for someone who has a death in the family." Carol says, "Well... we got him a card, then flowers. It just snowballed." Wally says, "I assume this will all be in good taste." Carol says, "I can't promise that. Karaoke is really hit or miss."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 18, 1995's comic on:


Tags #crossfire, #cnn, #only creature, #televsion, #each me, #debate, #television, #same desires, #experiences, #disagree, #stupid, #over silplfying, #Opinion, #Entertainment

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Dilbert sits at his desk next to Dogbert. Ratbert enters and says, "I've been invited to be a guest on 'Crossfire' on CNN." Ratbert says, "I'm the only creature on earth who hasn't already been on television." Ratbert asks, "Can you teach me how to debate on television, Dogbert?" Dogbert replies, "Okay." Dogbert says, "First, Ratbert, assume everybody has the same desires and experiences as you." Ratbert touches his head and says, "Absorb absorb." Dogbert continues, "Therefore, if they disagree with you they must be stupid." Dilbert says, "I think you're over-simplifying, Dogbert." Dogbert asks, "What was that opinion, Ratbert?" Ratbert replies, "Stupid!" Dogbert says, "You're ready for 'Crossfire,' Ratbert." Ratbert says, "I usually like the same movies as the fat one."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 12, 1997's comic on:


Tags #buying car, #touch negotiator, #suggested retail price, #invisible spary, #scurvy, #tax audits, #airbag, #gravel, #lease terms, #engraved, #hood ornamnet

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The caption says, "Buying a car." Dilbert sits across from a car salesman's desk. The salesman says, "You're one tough negotiator." Dilbert replies, "Thanks." The salesman says, "It only took you four hours to get me all the way down to the manufacturer's suggested retail price." The salesman cries, "There's no profit left!! My family will go hungry!!" The man bawls. The salesman stops crying and says, "Sorry. I assume you want the rust inhibitor coating for only $500." Dilbert replies, "Um . . .Yeah. Rust is bad." The man jumps up and shouts, "Yes!! Ka-ching ka-ching!" The salesman says, "Sorry. We also have an invisible spray that protects against scurvy and tax audits." Dilbert replies, "Well . . . Okay." The salesman says, "Initial here if you want your airbag to be full of fresh aspen air instead of gravel." Dilbert reads the contract and says, "Only $600." Back at home, Dilbert tells Dogbert, "And the lease terms are engraved on this free hood ornament!" Dogbert replies, "Be glad they didn't install it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 12, 1999's comic on:


Tags #personal goal, #self actaulization, #outdated binders, #alpahbetical, #reqiuested, #feel unfulfilled, #phase two, #project, #find meaning, #ship binders, #dump

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Asok stands in front of the boss desk and says, "I fear I am not meeting my personal goal of self actualization." Asok says, "I put all of our outdated binders in alphabetical order as you requested, yet I feel unfulfilled." Asok says, "I assume that in phase two of this project I will find meaning." The boss says, "Now ship the binders to the dump."