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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 22, 1996's comic on:


Tags #catbert hr driector, #new employees, #always quit, #reapply, #old job, #higher salary, #catnip, #rubbing body

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Wally sits across from Catbert's desk. Catbert says, "Wally, it might not seem fair that new employees are paid more than you . . ." Catbert continues, "But you could always quit and then reapply for your old job at a higher salary." Wally says angrily, "I just might do that!!" Catbert says, "Would you mind rubbing this catnip all over your body first?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 16, 1996's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #career counselor, #enough people quit, #best startegy, #convince coworkers, #video, #exact moment, #life force, #leaves body

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Wally sits across from Dogbert's desk and Dogbert sits on the desk. Dogbert says, "The company won't lay you off if enough people quit first." Dogbert continues, "Your best strategy is to convince your co-workers that their jobs are intolerable." Wally shines a flashlight on Asok and points a video camera at him. Wally says, "We do this for all the young employees, Asok. I'll capture the exact moment that your life force leaves your body."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 28, 1996's comic on:


Tags #Catbert, #evil hr director, #like about work, #making popcorn, #microwave, #pretend tow ork, #body language, #popcorn priviledges

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Wally sits at his desk. Catbert says, "Hey, Wally, is there anything you still like about working here?" Wally replies, "Um . . . I like making popcorn in the microwave and eating it while I pretend to work." Wally says, "Your body language tells me that something evil is going to happen to my popcorn privileges." Catbert sits on the monitor and thinks, "I love my job."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 11, 1997's comic on:


Tags #young and inexperinced, #naive question, #doing email, #after tax earnings, #alice, #stuffed body, #shirt sleeve

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Asok stands behind Alice's desk and says, "I am young and inexperienced, so please excuse this naive question, Alice . . ." Asok continues, "You spend hours every day 'doing e-mail.' How does this contribute to net after-tax earnings?" Asok stands behind Dilbert's desk and says, "Today I learned that Alice can stuff my entire body into one shirt sleeve."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 21, 1997's comic on:


Tags #body rejected, #payment technology, #smart card, #body rejected card

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Dilbert hands the Boss a card and says, "It's called a 'Smart Card,' and we should build our next product to handle this sort of payment technology." Dilbert and Wally watch as the card jumps out of the Boss's hand. Dilbert says, "I've never seen that happen." Wally says, "His body rejected the 'Smart Card.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 30, 1997's comic on:


Tags #cloud of doom, #transfer, #new host body, #starts tim down, #Dogbert, #director special projects, #doom

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Dogbert stands on a stool and tells Dilbert, "The only way to get rid of your cloud of doom is to transfer it to a new host body." The cloud hovers over Dilbert's head. Dogbert says, "I will accomplish this with the help of your pointy-haired boss and a clueless co-worker named Tim." Dogbert straps Tim to a table and says, "We're secure. Begin transfer." The Boss looks at a document and says, "Tim, your new job will be director of special projects." The cloud moves toward Tim.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 11, 1997's comic on:


Tags #stack of paper, #cubicle cop, #body, #enrolled, #workshop, #temporary solution, #three days

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Dilbert Alice and Wally are eating lunch. Alice says, "I heard that a stack of your papers fell over and killed a cubicle cop." Alice says, "What did you do with the body?" Wally says, "I enrolled it in the quality workshop nextdoor." Dilbert says, "It's a temporary solution." Wally says, "The workshop is only three days."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 03, 1998's comic on:


Tags #cure shyness, #nude photos, #intenet, #react body, #scream

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Dilbert and Dogbert sitting in front of computer. Dogbert, while typing, says, "I'll cure your shyness by putting nude photos of you on the Internet." Dilbert and Dogbert looking at computer screen. Computer makes "AAEEII!!," "COUGH COUGH," "UNH" sounds. Dilbert and Dogbert sitting at table eating cereal and hot drink. Dilbert says to Dogbert, "I didn't know the Internet could reject a body." Dogbert replies, "I didn't know it could scream."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 21, 1998's comic on:


Tags #interfered with project, #empowering employees, #bonus, #real boss, #body in dumpster, #boss acting unusual

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Dilbert and The Boss. Dilbert says, "You haven't interfered with my project in weeks. Something must be wrong." The Boss responds, "I believe in empowering my employees and staying out of the way." Dilbert, in a surprised manner, says, "Am I going to find my real boss's body in a dumpster?" The Boss says, "There's extra money in the budget. Would you like a bonus?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 13, 1994's comic on:


Tags #body language, #politely tell, #remove watch, #smash watch, #daily planner, #feel good, #act bored, #self heimlich manuever, #kerokian dodge, #instructions

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"Dogbert's Body Language Update" "Are you hampered by the limits of conventional body language?" "I can help." - How can you politely tell somebody he's babbling? "Babble, Babble." - Remove the offender's watch while he babbles.- "Babble." - Smash the watch with your daily planner. - "Babble." "Whack!" - This won't stop the babble, but it will feel real good for a minute.- "Babble." "Mmm." - Use this position to signal your surrender to the babble.- "Babble." -Next week - the self-Heimlich manuever and the Kervorkian dodge.- "Babble."