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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 29, 2001's comic on:


Tags #cloning th eboss, #might hurt, #push button, #employeees, #operating room, #doctors offcie, #lab

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Headline: Cloning the Boss. Dilbert has on a doctor's uniform. The Boss is lying on an operation bed with a laser pointed at his head. The Boss asks, "Will this hurt?" Dilbert responds, "I hope so." Alice, Wally, and Asok enter the room. Alice says, "We heard it might hurt." Wally asks, "May I push the button?" The Boss looks nervous.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 17, 2003's comic on:


Tags #tunnel shark, #dig forever, #red button, #don't push button

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Dilbert: I call it the "Tunnel SHrk" It converts dirt and rock into energy and can dig forever. So whatever you do, don't ignore what Im saying and push the red button. The Boss: Button! Now whats gotten into you?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 02, 2007's comic on:


Tags #user interface, #add button, #random changes, #create illusion, #adding value

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The Boss: Why did you add this button to the user interface? Dilbert: You told me to. The boss: Why would I tell you that? Dilbert: You always suggest random changes to create the illusion of adding value. The Boss: Well, remove that button. Dilbert: It's only on your copy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 27, 2013's comic on:


Tags #discussion, #frustration, #deliverable deadline, #proactive, #opposite of proactive, #empowered employees, #bad morale, #big bungler, #open door policy

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Wally: I decided to be proactive and push back my deliverable deadline by a year. Boss: That' snot being proactive. That's the opposite of proactive! Wally: You said you want employees to be empowered and now you're criticizing my decision. That's just great. Now my morale is bad, too! I can't be proactive. I can't be empowered. And now I can't even be happy! You've bungled everything! You're a big bungler! Boss: Get out of my office. Wally: Well, say goodbye to the open-door policy!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 31, 2013's comic on:


Tags #frustration, #questioning, #navigation button, #top of page, #idea people, #difficult, #people not answering

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Dilbert: Would it be better with the navigation button at the top of the page? Coworker: I can make that change. Dilbert: I know you can make the change. I'm asking if you agree it would be a good idea. Coworker: It's no problem to move buttons. Dilbert: But is it a good idea? Coworker: I can have it done in ten minutes. Dilbert: But should we do it at all? Coworker: Whatever you want. Dilbert: That is not an answer! Forget it! I'm going to tell your boss you're difficult to work with. Asok: When will you move the button. Coworker: As soon as it's my idea.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 05, 2010's comic on:


Tags #magic button, #cost estimates, #push, #phrase, #swear

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Dilbert says, "This is a magic button." Dilbert says, "Any time you ask for cost estimates, I push the button and it guides me." Button says, "Pull the numbers out of your?" Dilbert says, "It only says the one thing."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 19, 2010's comic on:


Tags #feel empowered, #forgot buy in, #poorly conceived project, #destroy from inside, #not empowered, #old system

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The Boss says, "I want all of you to feel empowered on this project." Dilbert says, "You forgot to get our buy- in before you empowered us." The Boss says, "I'll get your buy-in later." Wally says, "It's far too late for that." Wally says, "I'm going to use my empowerment to destroy this poorly conceived project from the inside!" The Boss says, "Don't do that!" Dilbert says, "So... now you're saying we're not empowered to do what we think is best?" Alice says, "Can we go back to our old system where we're afraid to make decisions and you're never available?" Alice says, "Your eyes say, 'Yes.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 07, 2013's comic on:


Tags #public speaking, #telephones, #public address button, #calls, #talking to doctor, #talking dirty, #practice

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Carol: You keep pressing the public address button on your phone when you make calls. We can't tell if you're talking to your doctor or you're really, really bad at talking dirty to your wife. Boss: I use one to practice the other.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 15, 2014's comic on:


Tags #internet & world wide web, #power (social sciences), #slaves, #a-b testing, #manipulate humans, #orange button, #mindless puppets, #legality

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Dogbert: Buwhahaha! I'm using A-B testing to manipulate irrational humans! Bend to my will and choose the orange button, you mindless click-puppets! Dilbert: And this is legal? Dogbert: I own you now!

Self Empowered Week

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Self Empowered Week - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 23, 2016's comic on:


Tags #honesty, #aspirations, #work ethic, #standards, #guest artist, #jake tapper

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CEO: I want all of you to be creative, self-empowered, and accountable. Wally: If I could do any of that stuff, why would I work here? I just find the whole thing confusing.