Search Results for "google"

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 16, 2006's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

"Aren't you afraid that Google will try to squash you for inventing a better search engine?" "Their company motto is 'Don't Be Evil.' It's not as if they have a death ray or something." Google Headquarters "Now look in the big hole, Eric."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 17, 2006's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

Google Headquarters "Isn't it a little bit evil to kill Dilbert with our death ray?" "Good point...What if I just blast the space station out of orbit and make it land on his house?" "I'll bet you ten billion dollars you can't." "And the lower has to introduce himself as 'the dumb one.'"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 18, 2006's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

My space defense shield detects an incoming threat. I am launching intercept rockets. "Apparently the boys at Google used a death ray to blast the international space station out of orbit and toward our house." "Why do you have a space defense shield?" "Doesn't that seem like a stupid question now?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 15, 2012's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #mergers & acquisitions

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: Google offered to buy our company for $100 million just to get our engineers. Dilbert: Huh. I wonder if I can convince the other engineers to jump ship today and share $100 million amongst us. CEO: What did he just say? Dilbert: Nothing. Just thinking out loud.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 16, 2012's comic on:


Tags #mergers & acquisitions, #public speaking, #slaves

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: Google has offered to buy our company for $100 million just to get our engineers. I agreed to the deal because I'm a modern day slave trader who believes engineers are property and the rest of you have no economic value. Who wrote my speech? Employee: Someone with no economic value.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 22, 2012's comic on:


Tags #computer software

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: And we're going to bet the company on our new software product. Dilbert: While you were talking, Google created that product, gave it away for free, and killed it for lack of interest. Wally: Is it too soon to take back my fake buy-in?

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 02, 2012's comic on:


Tags #engineers, #wages

View Transcript

Transcript

Interviewee: Google offered me a million dollars a year. What's your offer? Boss: Work for us and you can change the world! Interviewee: Change it how? Boss: By lowering the average pay of engineers. Hiring engineers

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 11, 2013's comic on:


Tags #ignorance (knowledge), #managers & supervisors, #work ethic

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Google provides a wi-fi enabled bus for its employees to commute from San Francisco. Why can't we be more like that? Boss: You want to be more like a bus? Dilbert: I found the problem.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 18, 2007's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources "The new company health plan is Google." "From now on, employees must use Google to diagnose their own illnesses." "For example, this guy has a growth on his neck." "I do?" "A quick search on my Blackberry tells me it's..." "What is it?!!" "Ooh. Wow." "A pregnant termite crawled into your mouth and built a hive in your esophagus." "GAAA!!!" "Stop being a baby. The treatment for that is..." "Do you have an arc welder and a barrel of kerosene?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 18, 2013's comic on:


Tags #ignorance (knowledge), #managers & supervisors

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: Today I'll teach you how to innovate the way Apple, Google, and 3M do it. Replace all of your dimwitted employees with smart people... then fire yourselves. The rest is just blah, blah, blah. Boss: Should we be taking notes?