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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 15, 2007's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #dont know, #creating illusion, #work, #conflating, #concepts, #attendence, #prodcutivity

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Tina: I don't know you. Why are you in this meeting? Wally: "I'm creating the illusion of work by conflating the concepts of attendance and productivity." "You should leave." Wally: "And who should I say hates teamwork?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 05, 2014's comic on:


Tags #cruelty, #leadership, #managers, #managers & supervisors, #choices, #bullying, #60 hour week, #fatique, #lower quality, #enlightened leader, #work fewer hours, #better outcome, #illusion, #created by underlings, #abuse, #pian, #enforcement

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Dilbert: You have an interesting choice today. You can continue bullying me into working sixty hours per week... while knowing that fatigue will lower the quality of my work. Or you can be an enlightened leader and encourage me to work fewer hours for a better net outcome. Boss: I'm not supposed to tell you this, but... leadership is an illusion created by the abuse of underlings. The more pain I force you to endure, the more of a leader I appear to be. How's the truth feel? Dilbert: Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!

The Illusion Of Leadership

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The Illusion Of Leadership - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 13, 2015's comic on:


Tags #absent mindedness, #Advice, #forget, #forgetfulness, #jargon, #leadership, #managers, #managers & supervisors

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Boss: I forget why I walked over here. Dilbert: Were you planning to spew empty jargon in my direction to create the illusion of leadership? Boss: Oh, right. But now it feels as if the moment has passed.

Free Will Is An Illusion

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Free Will Is An Illusion - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 04, 2015's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #free will, #robot, #robotics, #technology, #emotionally manipulate, #cloud connected, #control humans

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Dilbert: I'm programming our robot line to emotionally manipulate their owners into buying upgrades. Wally: You're teaching cloud-connected robots all over the world how to surreptitiously control humans? Dilbert: Technically, yea. But free will is an illusion anyway. Wally: Well, if it isn't, it will be.

Wally's Illusion Of Inefficiency

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Wally's Illusion Of Inefficiency - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 06, 2016's comic on:


Tags #work ethic, #laziness, #scam, #efficience, #culture

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Boss: I've noticed you don't work as much as your co-workers. That's an illusion caused by the combination of my efficiency and my modesty. Boss: So... you're getting your work done? Wally: Stop poisoning our culture with your distrust.

The Illusion Of Work

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The Illusion Of Work - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 18, 2017's comic on:


Tags #work ethic, #laziness, #deception

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Wally: It's easier to create the illusion of work than it is to do actual work. That's why I carry this red folder with me wherever I go. Man: Can you attend a design meeting at two? Wally: Ooh... I wish I could, but I'm behind on the red file.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 11, 2011's comic on:


Tags #fraternization, #internet & world wide web, #friends with ghoats, #real freinds, #imaginary ones, #idea is ridiculous, #ridiculous idea, #facebook freinds

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Dogbert: You need to create a product that gives people the illusion of being friends with ghosts. Boss: People only want real friends, not imaginary ones. Your idea is ridiculous. Dogbert: How many friends do you have on Facebook? Boss: Seven hundred. Why?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 06, 2011's comic on:


Tags #honesty, #managers & supervisors, #proactive, #send email, #bad time management, #creating illuson, #sarcasm, #crazy boss

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The Boss says, "You need to be more proactive." Dilbert says, "I can only appear to be proactive if you stop telling me to do things I've already planned." The Boss says, "How am I supposed to know what you plan to do every minute?" Dilbert says, "I could send you an e-mail every time I have a thought." The Boss says, "I don't have time for that!" Dilbert says, "Apparently your bad time management is creating the illusion that I'm not proactive." Dilbert says, "I'll take the liberty of signing you up for a time management class." The Boss says, "Don't do that!" Dilbert says, "So...I should not be proactive?" The Boss says, "Just do what I want before I know I want it." Dilbert says, "I hope the next thing you want is sarcasm."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Dogbert sits on his pillow thinking, "Sometimes I think gravity is only an illusion." Dogbert thinks, "Maybe other great thinkers realized gravity is mental and were thus freed of its restrictions." Dogbert thinks, "Which could explain why all the smart people have apparently been flung into space." Dilbert enters and says, "It's time for 'Wheel of Fortune.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 24, 1995's comic on:


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Dogbert hands Dilbert the phone and says, "You can create the illusion that you work long hours by leaving voice mails for your boss at 4 a.m." Dilbert says into the phone, "Hi, this is Dilbert. It's 4 a.m. and I'm in my underwear and I thought of you . . .Oops . . . Erase . . . Oops . . ." As he presses the buttons on the phone it makes beeping noises. Dogbert's ears stand up in astonishment. Dogbert asks, "Did you just send an obscene message to your boss?" Dilbert looks at the phone and says, "No . . . I think I hit the group code."