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Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 10, 2011's comic on:


Tags #anger, #quarreling, #mastered art, #being useless, #next level, #toxic, #toxic people, #complain, #personal problems

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Dogbert: Each of you has already mastered the art of being useless at work. It's time to take it to the next level. Today I will teach you how to be toxic. Toxic people talk about two types of things. One: bring up topics that are sure to cause others to fight. Two: complain about your personal problems at every opportunity. Your homework is to practice at work tomorrow. Wally: I mentioned to Alice that you think her plan is kind of lame.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 11, 2011's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #taxes, #sociopth, #victimless crime, #insider information, #hedge fund, #split profit, #tax people

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Dogbert: The great thing about being a sociopath is that everything feels like a victimless crime. If you give me some insider information for my hedge fund, I'll split the profit with you. Think of it as a tax on people you don't know. CEO: That's the best kind!

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 23, 2011's comic on:


Tags #annoyance, #conversation, #dating, #micromanaging, #boss, #god work, #just listen, #insulting, #insuate, #relationships

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Woman: My boss keeps micromanaging me. Dilbert: Have you tried doing good work so she doesn't feel the need? Maybe I should just listen.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 31, 2011's comic on:


Tags #employees, #illness, #marketing people, #brain heals, #drank sludge, #brain worm, #dead in a week, #business

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Asok: Hi-ho, marketing people! I've been transferred into your department until mky brain heals. I drank some industrial sludge. But don't worry - I'll be able to shake it off in a few days. A little pollution can't hurt me. I grew up in India. This brain worm will be dead in a week, tops.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 05, 2011's comic on:


Tags #embarrassment, #obliviousness, #hired consultant, #less confident, #overconfident people, #don't recognize mistakes, #didn't know studies, #feel like idiot

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Boss: I hired a consultant to teach us how to be less confident. Dilbert: Is that because research has shown that overconfident people don't recognize their own mistakes? Boss: Now I feel like an idiot because I didn't know about those studies. Dogbert: I did him first.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 11, 2011's comic on:


Tags #employees, #executives, #ignorance (knowledge), #technical details, #idea, #deciosns, #people involved, #pale and poorly dressed, #business

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Boss: Stop right there. Don't tell me the technical details of your idea. I make my decisions based on what I know about the people involved. Dilbert: You know less about me than you know about my idea. Boss: Is your idea pale and poorly dressed?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 05, 2012's comic on:


Tags #smart people, #bad deciosns, #hubris, #prime candidate

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Boss: I've read that smart people make bad decisions because of their hubris. Catbert: Hubris? What is that? Boss: Beats me. But obviously I'm a prime candidate to get it.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 26, 2012's comic on:


Tags #computer software, #competitor, #software, #entice people, #buy products, #freemium startegy, #engineering

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Dilbert: Our competitor just bought ten million copies of our software. Boss: Huh? Dilbert: They plan to give it away for free to entice people to buy their own product that has more features. We'll be part of their freemium strategy. Boss: That's just showing off.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 02, 2012's comic on:


Tags #inventions, #new app, #ten people created something, #population increases, #potentail value, #enter world, #unoriginal ideas, #agreeing

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Dilbert: Every time I have an idea for a new app, I discover that ten people already created something just like it. As the population of the world increases, the potential value of every idea I have approaches zero. Dogbert: So, it's the entire world's fault that you have unoriginal ideas? Dilbert: Why does your agreeing sound like mocking?

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 06, 2012's comic on:


Tags #bears, #happiness, #compares, #raise, #working, #people attacked, #bear attacked, #psychology

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Boss: Studies say your happiness depends on how well your life compares to others. So instead of giving you a raise, I'm going to show you pictures of people who were attacked by bears. Do you feel better now? Dilbert: Dang you to heck, this is working!