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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 06, 1989's comic on:


Tags #construction, #sign, #road

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As he drives his car, Dilbert wonders, "Gee, how could anybody be opposed to building more roads?" Dilbert continues, "Every time I see highway construction . . ." Dilbert continues, ". . . Some protestor has already put up a sign." Dilbert drives past an "End Construction" sign.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 07, 1989's comic on:


Tags #embarrassment, #restaurant, #fancy

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Dilbert and Dogbert enter a restaurant called "Chez de Whales." Dilbert says, "This is a very fancy place, Dogbert, so don't embarrass me." Dilbert tells the maitre d', "Uh . . . Two please. Non-smoking." The maitre d' replies, "I'm afraid, monsieur, that jackets are required." The maitre d' says, "You may wear these complimentary house jackets while you dine." The maitre d' continues, "You must also wear these beaver hats and clown feet." Dilbert and Dogbert put on the jackets and hats. The maitre d' says, "Next time messieurs will remember their jackets." Dogbert says, "Looks like we narrowly avoided embarrassment."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 08, 1989's comic on:


Tags #aliens, #dog, #history

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Dogbert walks on a sidewalk. Someone behind him says, "Uh . . . Excuse me, earth dog." An alien says to Dogbert, "We have traveled from a distant planet to find out why earth dogs are forced to eat from dirty little bowls while humans use plates." Dogbert and the aliens sit on the grass. Dogbert explains, "Well, basically, it's political. It all began after the unsuccessful poodle rebellion in France, around 1723 . . ." One alien whispers to the other, "Better use a pencil . . ."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 09, 1989's comic on:


Tags #book, #office workers, #writing

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Dogbert stands on a desk chair typing. He says to Dilbert, "I'm writing my first business management book, 'Managing in a Bureaucracy.'" Dilbert reads a draft, "You know you're in a bureaucracy when a hundred people who think 'A' get together and compromise on 'B.'" Dilbert asks, "Think anybody will read it?" Dogbert replies, "It doesn't matter. The real money is on the lecture circuit."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 10, 1989's comic on:


Tags #book, #meeting, #writing

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Dogbert stands on a chair and types, "Chapter IV. 'Time Management.'" Dogbert types, "Always postpone meetings with time-wasting morons." Dilbert asks, "How do you do that?" Dogbert says, "Can I get back to you on that?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 11, 1989's comic on:


Tags #knowledge, #electronic, #bluff

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Dilbert stands in a computer retail store. A boy with long hair says, "Welcome to Electrode Hut. I'm half your age, and I know more about electronics than you ever will. May I help you?" Dilbert replies, "Yes. I would like a half-dozen niad pulse converters and an anza brush." Dilbert asks, "Or am I bluffing?" The clerk wrings his hands and thinks, "This guy is GOOD."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 12, 1989's comic on:


Tags #marriage, #pet ownership, #sell

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Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert sits on Dilbert's legs. Dogbert asks, "Do you realize that if we stay together for seven years, we are considered married by common law?" Dogbert continues, "That means I own half of all your worldly possessions." Dogbert continues, "I plan to sell my half . . . Maybe buy some tasteful things instead."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 13, 1989's comic on:


Tags #walk, #hallway, #stranger

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Dilbert walks down the hall thinking, "It's so awkward to walk past strangers in hallways; you always gotta avoid eye contact." Dilbert thinks, "I know - I'll wait until we're near and then pick up that little piece of fuzz on the carpet there." Dilbert arrives at home with a bandage on his head. Dilbert tells Dogbert, ". . . Then we both went for the carpet fuzz." Dogbert replies, "Smooth."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 14, 1989's comic on:


Tags #nose, #office workers, #presentation, #itch

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Dilbert stands at the front of a room giving a presentation. He points to a diagram and says, ". . . And as you can see . . ." Dilbert wiggles his nose and thinks, "Uh oh . . . I got an itch in my nose." Dilbert thinks, ". . . Can't scratch it now without looking unprofessional." Dilbert thinks, "Maybe I can casually scratch it with one smooth gesture toward the easel." Back at home, Dilbert sits in his chair with a bandage on his nose. Dilbert says, "There's a good chance they thought it was part of the presentation." Dogbert asks, "Did the paramedics remove the pointer or just tape over it?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 15, 1989's comic on:


Tags #poetry, #poem, #monkey

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Dilbert and Dogbert sit at the table. Dilbert asks, "Well? What do you think of my new poem?" Dogbert replies, "I once read that given infinite time, a thousand monkeys with typewriters would eventually write the entire works of Shakespeare." Dilbert asks, "But what about MY poem?" Dogbert replies, "Three monkeys, ten minutes."