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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"I told Matthew that there was no way we could make those changes." "Ring." "Hi, Matthew!... Yes, of course we can make those changes; we're not idiots! Ha ha!!" "He says you have no credibility."

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"And that's why we can't put any more resources on your project." "Sure we can." "Gaaaa!!! Why do you keep ruining my credibility?!!!" "Good cop, bad cop." "If there is a god, please KILL ME NOW!!!" "Gum?"

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"Profits are down, so we fired the sales department to reduce costs." "This strategy heavily depends on people driving to our warehouse and begging for our products." "Do you think I should write a book?" "I'd try reading one first."

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Have you ever noticed the contrast between my greatness and... you?

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"Our CEO will be happy to answer any questions." "Why does the company pay you 40 million dollars a year?" "I ask because it's 400 times more than I make. And I work 70 hours a week." "Do you work 28,000 hours per week?" "Or do you have some sort of special ability that isn't obvious?" "GRRRRR RRRRR AAAAH-OOGAH!!!" "Golden egg. One every ten minutes." "Good answer."

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"You need to change the company's name to create the illusion of progress." "The name should be hi-tech sounding with a hint of onomatopoeia that signals your total lack of awareness." "Maybe something like 'Duhflushtech, inc.'" "I like it!"

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"Wally, I discovered a deadly safety flaw in our product. Who should I inform?" "No one. The stock would plunge and we'd have massive layoffs. Your career would be ruined." "But my negligence could cause the deaths of a dozen customers." "The first dozen is always the hardest."

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"Alice, if I fail to blow the whistle on our product's safety product, I will be like a murderer!" "No, technically you'd be more like a killer, you wuss." "My guts feel like I swallowed a squirrel." "You have totally sucked the flavor out of this scone."

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"Dogbert does PR." "You knew your product was deadly but you did nothing until you were sued." "The goal of public relations is to taint the jury pool, we'll show that the victims had it coming." "Maybe we should discuss the moral implications of that strategy." "Bah!"