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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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I plan to open an art gallery with a full bar. "I'll specialize in putrid art that's unreasonably priced." "Synergy" "Thash so bee-oo-tiful!!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Dogbert's Art Bar "That painting is dreadful. It looks as if a rat created it." "Lucky guess. I'll ask you again at midnight." Later that night "Ah wan ahix of ose an shum bar nuts!!!"

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"You must learn that change is good." "Any questoins?" "Who wants this one?" "I got it." "Question: Why don't you triple our pay? That would be a change." "That would not be in the best interst of shareholders." "Okay, why don't you work for free? That's a change that's good for shareholders." "Or would it be better to admit that change can be very bad?" "My favorite part was when he yelled, "Stop ruining my slogans with your logic!"" "Snort hee-hee!!!"

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"Alice, I hear that your project is stressful." "Sometimes it helps if you ask yourself: what's the worst thing that could happen?" "How'd the pep talk go?"

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"Alice, what's the status of your project?" "The astonishing incompetence of others caused me to jump through a window and land in a dumpster." "So then, no issues?"

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"GAAA!!! This writer misused the technical term "dongle." That idiot!" "I'm e-mailing this loser to tell him I plan to boycot the newspaper!" "DIE, LOSER, DIE!!!" "I'll come back later."

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"Hey, I got a response from the newspaper columnist I reamed for misusing the word "dongle."" ""Dear Nutbag... Link to a dictionary..." Um... Oops... It appears that I was wrong." "Now do you apologize?" "Plan B: I accuse him of hating minorities."

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We'll build your software with all the features you want plus a few extras. "Or maybe you'll start late and claim there's no way to do everything by the deadline." "Then you'll say that the unfinished features aren't important and you're losing money on the deal." "I can't hear you."

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"Here's my vacation schedule." "Good." "Whoa! You're planning to take more vacation days than you've accrued." "It's okay because I'll accrue the days before the actual vacation." "No can do. What if you quit before then?" "I'm literally afraid to hear the answer to that question." "Think, man! If you quit and have vacation at the same time..." "I'LL BE DOWN TWO PEOPLE!!!" "It's hard to remain upbeat." "Do you still live here?"