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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 21, 2013's comic on:


Tags #executives, #patents

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CEO: Put my name above yours on all of your patent applications. Because your brain, without the genius of my leadership, would be like a desiccated turnip. All you are, and all you will ever be... Dilbet: Right... got it... name on patent...

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 22, 2013's comic on:


Tags #anxiety

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Boss: Good news, Asok: I have decided to be your mentor. Asok: Waaaa!!!! Why me?? Why me?? I wish I were dead!!! Boss: You cry ugly. I think we need to work on that. Asok: Waaaa!!!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 23, 2013's comic on:


Tags #gadgets

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CEO: I have a vision that our next product will be a tablet computer the size of a dime. Users will lick it and attach it to their eyeballs. Can you finish that in a month? Dilbert: I can fail at any speed you like.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 24, 2013's comic on:


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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 25, 2013's comic on:


Tags #conversation

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Coworker: I assigned three more engineers to help on your project. One is on paternity leave, one is in the hospital, and one doesn't start for another month. If there's anything else you need, please hesitate to ask.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 26, 2013's comic on:


Tags #charitable organizations

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Wally: I had a busy week. I recycled all of our old software and donated the zeroes and ones to math programs in poor towns. My dream is that someday every child will be able to count to one.

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Share January 27, 2013's comic on:


Tags #frustration, #discussion

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Wally: I decided to be proactive and push back my deliverable deadline by a year. Boss: That' snot being proactive. That's the opposite of proactive! Wally: You said you want employees to be empowered and now you're criticizing my decision. That's just great. Now my morale is bad, too! I can't be proactive. I can't be empowered. And now I can't even be happy! You've bungled everything! You're a big bungler! Boss: Get out of my office. Wally: Well, say goodbye to the open-door policy!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 28, 2013's comic on:


Tags #conversation

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Dilbert: Did you make the software changes I suggested? Coworker: No, because I reflexively disagree with ever suggestion that anyone ever makes. Dilbert: You're very reasonable. Coworker: No, I'm a total jer... wait, what did you just do there?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 29, 2013's comic on:


Tags #questioning, #happiness

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Dilbert: I read an article that says employees are happiest when their jobs give them a sense of meaning. What is this "sense of meaning" thing and how can I get some of it? Because I feel like a bag of organ meat draped over an electric fence. Boss: Almost the same thing.

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Share January 30, 2013's comic on:


Tags #questioning

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CEO: You might be wondering why I called this meeting. Dilbert: Well, I see a CEO, a company lawyer, and two salespeople. Those jobs are highly correlated with psychopathy. My guess is that you invited me here to disembowel me. CEO: It was rhetorical!