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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Tags #address, #address of meeting, #anger, #driving, #gps, #inattentive, #lost, #meeting, #naviagte, #navigation system, #snap, #using phone

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Dilbert: Whats the address for our meeting? The Boss: You don't need it. I'll tell you where to turn, Dilbert: With all due respect you are not a reliable navigation system. You will be using your phone and you will forget to tell me when to turn. Dilbert: If I point out your inattentiveness you will snap at me,. Dilbert: I wil be seething with anger for the entire drive, while wondering if I am already lost and don't know it. or you could tell me the address now. The boss: You don't need it. I'll tell you when to turn. AN HOUR LATER Dilbert: must... not drive...over...cliff....

Unforseen Problems

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Unforseen Problems - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 22, 2018's comic on:


Tags #building apps, #completion date, #problems, #unforseen

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Dilbert: It will take four weeks to build the app, unless there are unforeseen problems. how often do we have unforeseen problems? Dilbert: One hundred percent of the time. Then whats the point of estimating a completion date? Dilbert: I was hoping to make you stop talking but t dint work.

User Specifications Are Not Complete

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User Specifications Are Not Complete  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 23, 2018's comic on:


Tags #user specifications, #apps, #build app, #no hope, #fantasize

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Dilbert: are these user specifications complete? Ted: No, I plan to add requirements as you build the app until you have no hope of success and you fantasize about strangling me. Dilbert: Do you know what isn't as refreshing as you'd hope? Dogbert: Honesty?

Alice Gives Honest Opinion

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Alice Gives Honest Opinion - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 24, 2018's comic on:


Tags #honest opinion, #monkey vomit, #rescind, #request

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The Boss: Alice, I want your honest opinion on my plan. Don't hold back. Alice: Your plan looks like a monkey vomited on a dictionary. The Boss: I remind my request for honesty,. Alice: Your plan is terrific!

Absurd Absolute

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 Absurd Absolute - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 25, 2018's comic on:


Tags #software upgrade, #idiot, #absurd absolute, #admit when wrong, #eaten unicorn

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You're an idiot if you think the software upgrade will solve every one of our problems. Dilbert: Or are you an idiot for characterizing my reasonable idea as an absurd absolute? Why cant you admit when you're wrong? Dilbert: Same reason you've never eaten a unicorn.

Asok Is A Narcissist Too

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Asok Is A Narcissist Too - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 26, 2018's comic on:


Tags #situation, #too dumb, #narcissist, #Right, #wrong

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Ted: Dilbert is a total narcissist, He refuses to admit when he'swrong. Asok: How would the situation look any different to you if he's actually right most of the time and you're too dumb to know it? Ted: I don't understand your point. Asok: According to your that makes me a narcissist.

Dilbert Refuses To Admit He Is Wrong

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 Dilbert Refuses To Admit He Is Wrong - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 27, 2018's comic on:


Tags #wrong, #right vs. wrong, #narcissist, #refuse to admit

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Tina: People keep telling me you refuse to admit when you are wrong. Dilbert: It only looks that way because Im right most off the time and people are too dumb to know it. Tina: wow! They're right about you being a narcissist, too. Dilbert: I refuse to admit I'm wrong about this.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 28, 2018's comic on:


Tags #assignment, #deadline, #free time, #death march, #payment, #salary, #pay check, #bonus, #non caring, #cold, #heartless monster, #no sense shame

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The boss: I need this finished by Friday. Dilbert: This assignment will suck up 100% of my free time and turn my happy life into a f=death march. The boss: Thats why we pay you. You pay me so you can ruin my life? The boos: perhaps i said that wrong. The Boss: what I meant is that I don't care how you fell as long as I get my bonus. Dilbert: You're a cold, heartless monster with no sense of shame!!!! The Boss: That why they pay me.

Murder By Car

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Murder By Car   - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Tags #self-driving cars, #technology, #murder, #invention

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Wally: The pointy-haired boss is testing our self-driving car prototype. Hey, didn't you write the operating system for that prototype? Dilbert: Yes. Wally: Hypothetically, could you murder him from a distance? Dilbert: We shouldn't have this conversation. Narrator: Continued.

Kill Code In Car

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Kill Code In Car  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Tags #self-driving cars, #technology, #invention, #murder, #control, #government

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Dilbert: The government forced me to put a "kill code" in the operating system for our self-driving cars. Dogbert: And by "kill code," you mean it will bring the vehicle to a controlled stop? Dilbert: No, you're thinking of a "stop code."