Search Results for "listen to crazy people"

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Exactly What Guilty People Say

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Exactly What Guilty People Say  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 13, 2018's comic on:


Tags #conspiracy, #accusation, #guilt, #innocence, #logic, #rumor

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Narrator: How conspiracy theories happen... Carol: Alice says you deleted her files on the server. Dilbert: That didn't happen. She's nuts. Carol: Ha! You wouldn't be so angry if it weren't true. Dilbert: What? That doesn't even make sense. Carol: That's exactly what guilty people say. Narrator: Continued...

Value Of An Employee's Life

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Value Of An Employee's Life - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 04, 2018's comic on:


Tags #big business, #ethics, #morals, #morality, #death, #damage, #value, #medical

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Dilbert: The proposed system would reduce accidental employee deaths by 20 percent. CEO: What is the ratio of the value of an employee's life compared to real people? Dilbert: I find your question disturbing. CEO: Just tell me the answer, halfling!

No Good Ideas In Decades

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No Good Ideas In Decades - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 23, 2018's comic on:


Tags #ideas, #candid, #ageism, #conversation, #speaking, #talking

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Man: May I make a suggestion? Dilbert: Sure. Do you mind if I only pretend to listen because you haven't had a good idea in several decades? Man: That's fine. I was only looking forward to the part where I'm talking. Dilbert: Proceed.

Mentor Can't Tell A Hoax From Reality

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Mentor Can't Tell A Hoax From Reality - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 10, 2018's comic on:


Tags #Advice, #competition, #bad advice, #deception, #wedgie

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Man: Alice has been mentoring me for a month, and I can't tell how much of her advice is real and how much is a hoax. For example, she advised me to give our boss a wedgie because she said he likes assertive people. Is that real? Dilbert: I'm gonna say yes.

Boss Checks On His Nickname

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Boss Checks On His Nickname - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 03, 2018's comic on:


Tags #name-calling, #nickname, #abbreviation

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Boss: Wally says people are calling me a "frickin' bottleneck" behind my back. Is that true? Carol: I have to call you back after I'm done with F.B. Boss: F.B.? Carol: Um... Facebook.

Boss The Bottleneck

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Boss The Bottleneck  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 02, 2018's comic on:


Tags #nickname, #name-calling

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Boss: I wish I had a cool nickname at work. Dilbert: You do. You're known as the "Frickin' Bottleneck." Boss: Who calls me that? Dilbert; Bad people. I try to stop them.

Pill For Boss Conversations

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Pill For Boss Conversations - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 14, 2018's comic on:


Tags #mental health, #mental illness, #crazy, #managers, #sanity, #insane

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Boss: Catbert thinks I'm causing mental problems in my employees. That's crazy, right? Carol: Hold that thought. My doctor prescribed pills for when I have to talk to you.

Anger Issues

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Anger Issues - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 13, 2018's comic on:


Tags #anger issues, #listen to crazy people, #mental problems, #work weekend, #crazy people

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The Boss: Im worried that all of my employees might have mental problems. The Boss: They exhibited anger issues when I told them to work all weekend for no extra pay. CatBert: Did they say you're the cause off their mental problems? The Boss: I dont listen to crazy people.

Obvious Ideas

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Obvious Ideas - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 09, 2018's comic on:


Tags #copyright, #ideas, #thinking, #stealing, #intellectual property, #originality

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Boss: People keep stealing all of my great ideas. Alice: Have you ruled out the possibility that you only think of ideas that are obvious? Boss: Hmm... I hadn't considered that. Alice: And yet it was obvious.

Money Can't Buy Happiness

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Money Can't Buy Happiness  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 03, 2018's comic on:


Tags #happiness, #work, #motivation, #meaning, #money, #raise, #wages, #excuses, #psychology

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Dilbert: I want a raise. Boss: Money can't buy happiness. Dilbert: Then why do people work? Boss: To avoid unhappiness. Dilbert: What's my best-case scenario here? Boss: I'll motivate you toward a neutral, zombie-like existence.