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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 09, 1996's comic on:


Tags #dazzling demo, #dark angel demos, #demo, #sham, #doomed, #file server, #worst is over

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Dilbert says to the new VP, "We planned a dazzling demo for you, but as you can see we're being visited by the dark angel of demos." From inside the monitor Phil says, "The demo is a sham. Their project is doomed. Cut their funding before your name is associated with it." The Boss and the new VP look shocked. Dilbert thinks, "The worst is over." Phil continues, "Look at some of the pictures the 'boys' store on the file server."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 19, 1997's comic on:


Tags #confides in alice, #crush on dilbert, #desiring engineer, #report, #tech writer, #wrong situation

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Tina and Alice sit at a table. Tina says, "Alice, I think I'm developing a crush on Dilbert." Tina asks, "Is that so wrong?" Alice replies, "Apparently it is." Phil, the Prince of Insufficient Light, appears and says, "I have a report of a tech writer desiring an engineer."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 20, 1997's comic on:


Tags #engineer, #gulty, #insufficient light, #major sin, #prince, #tech writer, #unnatural attraction, #leverage synergies, #engineering

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Phil the Ruler of Heck tells Tina, "You are guilty of being a technical writer with an unnatural attraction to an engineer." Phil leads Tina into Heck and says, "It's not a major sin, so you only go to Heck. I'm Phil, the Prince of Insufficient Light." Phil leads Tina to a desk and says, "Sit down and type, 'I proactively leverage my synergies,' a hundred times." Tina screams, "No-o-o!!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 05, 1997's comic on:


Tags #write resume, #large fee, #Dogbert, #having trouble, #invented coffee, #patent

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Phil, former ruller of Heck, now head of the Analogy Police, says to Dogbert, "Can you help me write a resume?" Dogbert obliges, "Yes, for a large fee." Phil says, "How do I know you're qualified." Dogbert says, "Check my resume." Phil says, "I have a hard time believing you invented coffee." Dogbert rebutts, "Check my patent."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 06, 1997's comic on:


Tags #career counseling, #job involving sin, #bingo field, #budget work, #no marketing, #no auditing, #no garnet manuafacturing

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Chil is consulting Dogbert about his career. He says, "I'd be good at any job involving sin." Phil says, "Perhaps something in the bingo field, or maybe budget work." Dogbert suggests, "How about marketing?" Phil frowns, "I have a soul. It's just a small one." Dogbert says, "Gotcha. No marketing... no auditing... no garment manufacturing..."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 12, 1999's comic on:


Tags #new bonus plan, #peak perfromance, #bonus, #goods mine, #car won't start

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The boss, Asok, Dilbert and wally sit at a conference table. The boss says, "Introducing the new bonus plan." ASok raises his hand and says, "Yes!!! I'm already working at peak performance, so that bonus is as good as mine!" Phil appears behind asok and says, "Asok, Mr. Reality wanted to visit you, but his car won't start. I'm Phil."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 13, 1999's comic on:


Tags #secret lair, #teach reality, #dumpster, #cubicle, #french fry, #lumbar support

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Phil drags Asok by his tie. Phil says, "Asok, come to my lair and I will teach you about reality." Asok and Phil stand by a dumpster. ASok says, "Your secret lair is a dumpster?" Phil says, "Get in" Asok and Phil sit in the middle of the trash in the dumpster. Asok says, "It's like my cubicle, but with much better lumbar support!" Phil eats a french fry and says, "French fry?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 14, 1999's comic on:


Tags #life like dumpster, #stinks, #reincarnate, #both hands stink, #life stinks, #devil, #dumpter

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Phil and Asok sit up to the necks in trash in a dumpster. Phil says, "Asok, life is like this dumpster." Phil says, "On one hand, it stinks..." Asok says, "Both of my hands stink now." Phil says, "And then you reincarnate."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 15, 1999's comic on:


Tags #wax spoon, #huge spoon, #reapy, #gartitude

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Phil and Asok walk. Asok says, "Phil, you have atught me so muach about life. How can I repay you?" Phil says, "You can wax my huge spoon." Asok says, "Why do have a huge spoon?" Phil says, "I'm just lucky, I guess."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 05, 2000's comic on:


Tags #limbo, #a division of heck, #career limbo section, #wait to be seated

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Dilbert is at the threshold of an entrance bearing the sign: "Limbo, a division of Heck." Phil, the Ruler of Heck, tells Dilbert: "Step inside." Inside, standing by a "Please wait to be seated" sign, Phil informs Dilbert: "You'll be sitting in the Career Limbo section. Goodbye." Arms akimbo, Dilbert thinks to himself: "Jeepers! The service here is terrible!"