Search Results for "Ratbert"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 21, 1995's comic on:


Tags #ratbert, #consulting partner, #jobs outsiurced, #stooped over, #very bad ergo nomics

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Dilbert stands on a desk next to Ratbert, who is bending over. Dogbert points to Ratbert and says, "My consulting partner, Ratbert, will demonstrate how to inform employees that their jobs will be outsourced." As he kicks Ratbert off the desk and into a trash can, Dogbert says, "You're history. Scram." The Boss asks, "How do I get them all stooped over?" Dogbert replies, "I recommend a program of very bad ergonomics."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 02, 1996's comic on:


Tags #ivy league degree, #vice president, #rerganized, #training ratbert, #teching, #grooming for position, #powerful position

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Dilbert sits at his desk and Dogbert sits on the desk behind him. Dilbert says, "I wish I had an Ivy League degree so I could be promoted to vice president." Dogbert responds, "You don't need one." Dilbert says, "It's impossible to be a vice president without one." Dogbert says, "I'll bet $100 I can turn a rat into a vice president." Dogbert and Ratbert stand in front of a mirror. Dogbert says, "That was good, but try saying it as though your soul just abandoned your body." Ratbert says, "We've reorganized to focus on our core competency."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 05, 1996's comic on:


Tags #both dead, #doing nothing, #hundred years, #spread joy, #whats funny, #working hard, #ratbert, #Dilbert

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Ratbert walks across Dilbert's desk and says, "You know what's funny? I'll tell you." Ratbert continues, "You're working hard. I'm doing nothing. In a hundred years we'll both be dead." Dilbert says angrily, "You might not need to wait that long." Ratbert says as he walks away, "I think I'll spread some joy over this way."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 05, 1996's comic on:


Tags #ratbert, #corporate trainer, #grim downsizer, #stress reduction, #budget cuts, #class evaluation forms

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The Grim Reaper approaches Ratbert and says, "Pssst!" The Grim Reaper says, "I'm the Grim Downsizer. Trainers are the first to go. I'll just hang around here until the next budget cuts." Ratbert looks scared. The Angel of Death asks, "Do you mind if I sit in on your stress-reduction class?" Ratbert says, "I don't think I'll read the class evaluation forms from this one."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 06, 1996's comic on:


Tags #ratbert, #corporate trainer, #class, #sharing segment, #grim downsizer

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Ratbert stands on a chair and says, "Let's go around the room and say who we are and what we hope to get out of the class." The Grim Reaper, Wally, a man and a woman sit at a conference table. The Grim Reaper says, "I'm the Grim Downsizer. I'm here to decruit the entire training department plus all of the people who have time to attend classes." Wally says, "My name is Dilbert. I'm here in place of Wally who is working hard to build a better tomorrow." The man next to Wally says, "I'm somebody else too." The Grim Reaper says, "Nice try."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 18, 1996's comic on:


Tags #ratbert the consulatant, #computers, #highly exuberant, #general protection, #flying lessons

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Ratbert stands on Alice's desk and says, "I don't know much about computers so I compensate by being highly exuberant." Ratbert shouts, "Yes!! Yes!! Computers!! Wahoo!!!" Ratbert looks at the monitor and says, "Hey look! It's not my fault; it's some guy named 'general protection.'" Alice reaches for Ratbert and says, "It's time for your flying lessons."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 20, 1996's comic on:


Tags #ratbert the consulatant, #existing computer, #new one, #new system, #devastating, #paid exactly the same

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Ratbert and Dilbert sit at a table. Ratbert says, ". . . Then we'll turn off the existing computer systems and fire up the new one." Dilbert asks, "What if the new system doesn't work on the first try? Won't the economic impact be devastating?" Ratbert says, "Let me check my contract . . . Nope. I get paid exactly the same." Dilbert says, "Yeah, same here."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 03, 1997's comic on:


Tags #combine words, #ecosystem, #engagement manger, #ratbert, #seem smart, #walmart

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Dogbert says, "Ratbert, I'm going back into the consulting business and I need you to be my engagement manager." Dogbert continues, "You'll seem very smart if you randomly combine the words on this list and make many references to 'Wal-Mart.'" Ratbert sits at a conference table with Dilbert and the Boss. Ratbert says, "It's like 'Wal-Mart.' Migrate your value into the white spaces of the ecosystem." The Boss says, "Wow! That's one smart rat!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 04, 1997's comic on:


Tags #business startegy, #example, #good strategy, #learn, #panty hose, #ratbert the consultant, #walmarts

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Alice, Ratbert and Wally sit at a conference table. Ratbert says, "'Wal-Mart's' business strategy was very successful. You can learn from their example." Alice asks, "Does their strategy involve sitting around and making irrelevant comparisons to other companies?" Ratbert replies, "All I know for sure is that they don't let rats try on all the pantyhose in the store." Wally says, "Good strategy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 14, 1997's comic on:


Tags #negotiate, #telecommuting, #ratbert illogical things, #drains will, #unproductive things, #will to argue

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Dilbert approaches the Boss's desk and says, "I"m here to negotiate for more telecommuting days." Ratbert sits on Dilbert's head. Dilbert points to him and tells the Boss, "My negotiating strategy is to have Ratbert say such illogical things that it drains your will to argue." The Boss says, "You can't work at home because you might do unproductive things there." Ratbert says, "I've lost my will to argue."