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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 24, 2012's comic on:


Tags #business ethics

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Boss: I hired the Dogbert Ad Company to build some deceptive and abusive ads for our mobile app. Dogbert: I prefer to call our ads "effective." It means the same thing. Our most effective ad looks like a text message from your doctor saying he can't stop crying.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 13, 2013's comic on:


Tags #frustration, #work ethic

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Dilbert: The North Elbonians accused me of being a spy and put me in a forced labor camp. It sounds worse than it was. I had a private office and all I did was app development. Boss: How did you escape? Dilbert: I didn't. I took a personal day to tell you how much you suck.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 28, 2009's comic on:


Tags #date, #shallow, #ridiculous, #looking, #cell phone, #failure, #leaving, #rejection

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Woman says, "I judge potential mates by their cell phone apps. Hand it over." Woman says, "You have an app that does nothing but hurl pirate insults. That is so stupid. This date is over." Cell Phone says, "Don't let the door hit you in the booty. Aaaargh!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 03, 2011's comic on:


Tags #managers & supervisors, #mobile (cell) phones

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The Boss says, "Ted, there's an app for you." Cellphone says, "Waa-waa! Don't fire me!" The Boss says, "How awesome is that?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 28, 2010's comic on:


Tags #pants, #hole, #favorite, #plan b, #idea, #stand on bed, #surprise, #arms out, #pants witness tracking app, #cell phone, #picture, #walk to work, #lots of holes, #take photo

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Dogbert says, "Your pants have a tiny hole." Dilbert says, "These are my favorite pants!" Dilbert says, "I'll have to go with plan B." Dogbert says, "Wear other pants?" Dilbert says, "That's crazy talk." Dilbert says, "I'll wear these and act as if the hole just happened." Dilbert says, "Everyone knows you can't go home and change in the middle of the day." Dilbert says, "I'll use a pants witness tracking application on my phone to keep track of who has seen the hole." Dilbert thinks, "If I play my cards right, I can get two or three more wearings out of my favorite pants." Wally says, "All of this just happened." Dilbert says, "Same here."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 07, 2007's comic on:


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"Although I've been fired for gross incompetence, I'm professional enough to train you before I leave." "Don't bother. I already coded a Java app to do everything you do." "Everything?" "Except for the incompetent parts."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 12, 2014's comic on:


Tags #competition (psychology)

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Tina: Do you ever feel embarrassed that you dress the same way every day? Dilbert: No. Do you ever feel embarrassed that you don't understand the importance of routine in managing your limited reserve of willpower? Tina: I made 75 fashion decisions before breakfast. Dilbert: I wrote an app.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 05, 2014's comic on:


Tags #complaining

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CEO: I don't like the name of our new app. You need to change it. Dilbert: Perhaps you can underscore your point by suggesting a bunch of names that are already taken. Do you mind if I think of other things while you do that?

Government Wants To Kill Dilbert

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Government Wants To Kill Dilbert - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 26, 2015's comic on:


Tags #cyber attack, #technology, #hacker, #hacking, #government, #spying, #surveillance, #privacy, #hiding, #hiding out

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G-Man: The app you wrote in your spare time stopped the worst cyber attack our nation has seen. The president has authorized me to kill you and steal the app so no other country can get it. Dilbert: The government will never find me! G-Man: We chipped you during your colonoscopy.

Dogbert Advises Dilbert On Escaping

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Dogbert Advises Dilbert On Escaping - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 27, 2015's comic on:


Tags #identity, #hacker, #hacking, #government, #manhunt, #technology, #money, #ruse, #trick, #greed, #betrayal

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Dilbert: The government threatened to kill me if I don't sell them my anti-hacker app. Dogbert: You should change your identity, give me everything you own, and move to an undisclosed location. Dilbert: Will we have a secret way to stay in contact? Dogbert: You're becoming a burden.