Search Results for "blame"
Share November 18, 2007's comic on:
Tags #career day, #classroom, #guest speaker, #Dilbert, #engineering, #tells all, #explaining things, #to idiots, #make decisions, #misinterpreting, #massic=ve problems, #rumors overwhelm, #assign blame, #unpopular
Career Day Teacher: "Class, today Dilbert will tell us what a career in engineering is all about." Dilbert: "My job involves explaining things to idiots.""Then the idiots make decisions based on misinterpreting what I said." "Then it is my job to try and fix the massive problems caused by the bad decisions." "Eventually rumors overwhelm facts, and I give up." "In the final phase, I assign blame to a unpopular coworker." "So whatever you do in life don't be unpopular." Teacher: "Don't listen to him!" Dilbert: "Said the unpopular teacher."
Share December 04, 2007's comic on:
Dilbert: "My company wants me to design a private moon shuttle in three months. Doom is inevitable." Dogbert: "What you need is a scapegoat to blame for the project never getting finished. I'll send one over." Dilbert: "I was almost done, and then this idiot comes along."
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Share April 23, 2017's comic on:
Dilbert: Our sales for the quarter were zero. CEO: Heads will roll! Whose fault is this. Dilbert: It's entirely your fault. You told a reporter that our next version will be amazing. So all of our customers are waiting for the new version. The only sensible solution here is for you to admit your mistake and resign in utter humiliation. CEO: Or... I could blame this guy, whatever his name is. Man: That isn't right. CEO: Looks like I'll be adding insubordination to the charges.
Share November 12, 2017's comic on:
Boss: Are your financial projections available? Dilbert: Yes, because I can see into the future. Boss: No one can see into the future. Dilbert: Then why did you ask me if I can do it? Boss: It's your job to predict the outcome of your project. Dilbert: Why would you ask me to do something that no one can do? Boss: I don't need you to be accurate. I only need someone to blame when we go over budget. Dilbert: I saw that coming. Boss: No one like a braggart.
Share June 18, 2012's comic on:
Boss: How was your meeting in Elbonia? Wally: Awesome! Did you know that the most sacred shrine in Elbonia looks exactly like a men's restroom? Boss: No. Wally: Right. So don't blame me for not knowing.
Share January 08, 1990's comic on:
Dogbert sits on his pillow thinking, "I've got to get out of this bad mood somehow." Dogbert thinks, "I'll have to find somebody innocent to blame . . . And make him plead for my forgiveness." Dilbert says, "Hi, Dogbert." Dogbert asks, "Is that some kind of an insult?"
Share July 29, 1991's comic on:
Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert stands on the hassock. Dogbert says, "I've decided to become a pop psychologist and lecturer." Dogbert continues, "My theory is that you can blame all of your problems on invisible people." Dilbert replies, "That doesn't sound healthy." Dogbert says, "Don't blame me. Talk to Juan and Cindy."
Share August 26, 1991's comic on:
Dogbert and his senator sit across from a woman whose head is surrounded by cigarette smoke. There is a full ashtray on the desk. The senator has a "Sale" sign on his head. The woman says, "Mister Dogbert, the tobacco lobby is very interested in buying your senator." The woman continues, "We've been taking a beating from the anti-smoking fascists. I blame the media." The woman continues, "What we need is more attention on the positive aspects of smoking . . . Like sex appeal." The smoke clears and reveals the woman's ugly, withered head. Dogbert says, "Yes, sir."