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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 29, 2002's comic on:


Tags #face for wrinkles, #face is killing me, #inject deadly poison, #botox, #dermal fillers, #botchulism

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Dilbert is sitting at his computer. A female coworker approaches and asks, "Do you think I should inject a deadly poison in my face to hide wrinkles?" Dilbert responds, "It's only fair that you poison your face, because your face is killing me. Hee Hee Hee!" The coworker says, "The correct answer is 'You don't need to.'" Dilbert replies, "Was your mother a shar-pei?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 06, 2002's comic on:


Tags #premature clickage, #3 stooges, #visualize, #finger exercises, #contort face

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Headline: Mouse Training. The instructor says, "Today you will learn how to avoid premature clickage." The instructor continues, "Contort your face and visualize what you look like with a contorted face." The instructor sticks out two fingers and shakes his arm. He says, "Now pair off and we'll do some finger exercises that I call 'The Three Stooges.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 22, 2003's comic on:


Tags #lead odg, #view never changes, #look at face, #imlying, #insightful analogy

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The boss: "Remember, if you're not the lead dog, the view never changes." Carol: "I'm not the lead dog, and I have to look at your face all day. The Boss: "What are you implying?" Carol: "I was admiring your insightful analogy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 04, 2004's comic on:


Tags #sexism, #witch coven, #new manager, #face growl, #new dress code, #winged monkey, #called tough

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Zenox: "I'm Zenox, the new manager of this coven... I mean department." "When I am displeased I make this face and growl like the undead." Grrow-eeeahh! "The new dress code is 'winged monkey.'" Dilbert: "If a man acted like you he'd be called tough."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 24, 2004's comic on:


Tags #email, #face on cows butt, #morale, #objects, #off color jokes, #photoshopped

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The boss: "Alice, you've ben accused of forwarding off-color jokes by e-mail." The Boss: "Do you object to the increase in morale or the nickel it cost the company so far?" "I object to my face being photoshopped to a cow's butt." Alice: "You object to art?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 25, 2007's comic on:


Tags #punching people, #high rates, #ridiculous combpver, #punch face in, #regain element, #surprise, #therapy session, #couch, #expressing

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Alice: I can't stop punching people who deserve to be punched. For example, your high rates and ridiculous combover make me want to punch your face in. Therapist: But you won't right? Alice: Lets see what happens when I regain the element of surprise.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 05, 2012's comic on:


Tags #dieting & weight control, #interviews, #tattoos & body marking, #job interview, #face tattoo, #overeating, #bad idea, #people can see, #dont interview well

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Boss: Did you ever think that getting that face tattoo might be a bad career move? Interviewee: No. Was there ever a time you thought overeating was a bad idea? Because people can see that. Boss: You don't interview well. Job interview

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 24, 2008's comic on:


Tags #sympathy, #in need of sympathy, #so sorry, #face injured, #being thorough

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Dilbert says, "I need some sympathy." Dogbert says, "I'm so sorry your face looks like that." Dilbert says, "My face isn't injured." Dogbert says, "Well, excuse me for being thorough."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 29, 2010's comic on:


Tags #slug, #success, #energy, #fast, #fat, #stick paper, #slimy, #face, #health

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Dilbert says, "My success depends on your doing your role in a timely and energetic manner." Dilbert says, "People say you're a big, fat slug, but I have confidence in you. I'll stick this to your slimy face and hope for the best." Dilbert says, "I like to think I'm a pretty good judge of character."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 06, 2010's comic on:


Tags #collect money, #ted, #birthday, #insult, #pinch face, #lemon, #ferret, #disgusting, #racist jokes, #embezzle, #date, #awkward, #dollar

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Tina says, "I'm collecting money for Ted's birthday." Alice says, "Pass. I can't stand that idiot." Alice says, "His face looks like a ferret eating a lemon." Alice says, "He makes my skin crawl." Alice says, "He tells racist jokes, and I think he's embezzling." Tina says, "I've been dating him for a month." Alice says, "I'd be lying if I said that wasn't worth a dollar."