Search Results for "information"

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 17, 1994's comic on:


Tags #internet, #al gore, #information superhighway, #share ideas, #blonde jokes, #flirt college women, #chat area

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: Can we cut this short? Id like to get back to the information superhighway. The Boss: Sure. Im glad we connected you all to the internet so you can share ideas with colleagues. Wally: yeah, thats right, I want to go share ideas with my colleagues. Dilbert: Do people really share ideas with colleagues? Wally: If I get an idea, Im not sharing. Wally: I think I'll channel over to the internet chat area and flirt with college women. Dilbert: Im still reading through five megs of blonde jokes. Dilbert: I wonder if Al Gore has any idea.... Al Gore: Hey Tipper, heres another good one! hee hee!

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 26, 1995's comic on:


Tags #photocopier, #access code, #proprietary information, #same comapny, #ask question, #who's on first

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert stands at the copier reading a message that says, "Please enter photocopier access code." A woman stands behind him. Dilbert asks, "What's the code for this machine?" The woman replies, "That's proprietary information." Dilbert says, "We work for the same company. My cubicle is down the hall." The woman says, "I have no way of verifying your claim. Anybody could come in here and say that." Dilbert says, "Ask me a question that only an employee of this company could answer." The woman replies, "Okay." The woman asks, "What is the access code for this copier?" Dilbert looks at the woman. Dilbert covers his eyes and sobs. The woman holds up a document and says, "I just have one . . ."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 10, 1995's comic on:


Tags #best manager, #project goosefood, #hired jack, #brief jack, #no budget, #no support, #global information network, #failure certain, #industry, #disgarce, #hired, #competitors

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss introduces a man to Dilbert and Wally. The Boss says, "We just hired Jack away from our competitor. He was their best manager." The Boss continues, "Jack will be in charge of project 'Goosefood.'" The Boss continues, "I'd like you two to brief Jack on the project." Jack, Dilbert and Wally sit at a conference table. Dilbert says, "Project 'Goosefood' has no budget and no management support." Wally says, "Your job is to build a global information network in two weeks." Dilbert says, "Failure is certain. Soon you will leave the industry in disgrace." Wally adds, ". . . Just like the other 'best managers' we hired from our competitors." Jack says, "Just our of curiosity, how did the project get its name?" Wally replies, "Let's just say that you're the goose food . . ."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 15, 1999's comic on:


Tags #information technolofy, #define, #materials, #enthusiasm with stupidity, #meeting, #presentation, #long, #lengthy, #boring

View Transcript

Transcript

A man says, "I'd like to spend the first hour defining what "information technology" means." Asok raises his hand and says, "Ooh! Ooh! Can I help pass ou the materials?" Dilbert and Wally both look at Asok. Wally says, "It's not a good idea to mix enthusiasm with stupidty, Asok." Asok says, "Oh, sorry."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 22, 1999's comic on:


Tags #mordac, #preventer of information, #cios office, #delete meail, #server, #message, #insulting email, #regeret sending

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina faces Mordac who stands in front of a closed door. Mordac says, "Why do you seek Mordac - the preventer of information services?" Tina opens her purse and says, "I regret sending an insulting e-mail message to our CIO. I need to delete it from the server." Tina shoots at the door several times. Tina says, "The server was in that closet, right?" Mordac says, "That's the CIO's office."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 26, 2000's comic on:


Tags #wally report, #serious threat, #productivity, #new things, #brain full, #forget fifth grade, #more information, #can't sustain information

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice, Wally, Dilbert and the boss are sitting in a meeting. Wally says: "In this week's Wally report, I'll discuss a serious threat to my productivity." Wally says: "By Tuesday my brain was so full that I had to forget things to make room for new things." Alice looks to Wally through the coner of her eyes. The boss says: "Wally. I have some information for you." Wally says: "Great. I'll just forget the fifth grade."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 10, 2000's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #dilbert not buying it, #excuses, #get information, #hate people, #promise, #resentment, #saves time, #advance

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert is sitting at a table with a co-worker. The co-worker tells Dilbert: "I'll get this information for you." Dilbert replies: "No you won't. You'll wait until I hunt you down and then you'll say you were too busy." On the couch at home with Dogbert, Dilbert says: "Today I started hating people in advance." Dogbert replies: "It saves time."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 05, 2000's comic on:


Tags #mordac, #preventer, #information services, #web mistress, #firewall inadequate, #talk cobol baby

View Transcript

Transcript

Mordac approaches Ming and says, "I am Mordac, the preventor of information services!" Ming replies, "I am web mistress Ming!" Mordac says to Ming, "Your firewall is inadequate. You must be punished!" Ming responds, "Your HTML is weak! You must be punished!" Mordac holds Ming in his arms tilting her backward and says, "I must have you!" Ming replies, "Talk Cobol to me, baby."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 07, 2000's comic on:


Tags #boring, #director of information, #e-diot, #easy way, #title

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally says to The Boss, "You should put an 'E-' in front of your title." Wally says, "It's too boring just being the Director of Information, Operations and Technology." The Boss says to his secretary, Carol, "From now on, call me the E-DIOT." Carol says, "If only there were an easy way to remember that."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 13, 2000's comic on:


Tags #gigantic database, #customer behavior, #information, #non linear math, #data mining technology, #optimize retail channels, #spam, #meeting here

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Dilbert, "We have a gigantic database full of customer behavior information." Dilbert says, "Excellent. We can use non-linear math and data mining technology to optimize our retail channels!" The Boss says to Dilbert, "If that's the same thing as spam, we're having a good meeting here."