Search Results for "issues"
Share April 26, 2008's comic on:
The Boss says, "Dilbert, I need you to handle the due diligence for our alliance with the galactic protein corporation." The Boss says, "Find out if they have any hidden issues we should know about." Dilbert says, "Is this a bad time?" Human Buns
Share March 02, 2011's comic on:
Wally sys, "Should I continue to manage issues?" Wally says, "Or should I align organizational activities with stakeholder expectations?" The Boss says, "Which answer would cause you to do real work?" Wally says, "What is this, a farm?"
Share July 22, 2007's comic on:
Alice: Our pointy-haired boss is insisting we use old technology because he thinks it will be easier to get it funded. "You should raise that issue at the meeting." "We'll back you up." Dilbert: "Absolutely." The Boss: "Are there any issues?" Asok: "You're making us use old technology just to make your job easier." "Does anyone else think that?" "No." "No." "No." "The old technology works fine." "New technology is too buggy." "What was that?!!" "It's just something we do."
Share December 12, 2004's comic on:
Job interview "What's your biggest weakness." "I'm a cubicle vampire." "I wander the cubicles in search of happy coworkers." "Then I pounce!" "Then you suck their blood?" "That was the old way." "I talk about work-related issues until the life is drained from their bodies." "I'm going to trust my gut instinct on this. You're hired." "Have you met the new hire yet?"
Share December 21, 2014's comic on:
Tags #anger, #criticism, #perfection, #psychological disorder, #psychological evaluation, #perfectionist, #warning, #not a problem, #cognitive dissonance, #unrealistic optimism, #projection bias, #jerk, #anger issues
Coworker: I should warn you that I'm a perfectionist. Dilbert: I appreciate the warning. Do you have any other psychological problems or just the one? Coworker: I don't think of it as a "problem." Dilbert: I guess that's what makes it so bad. I see a lot of other psychological problems in your writing. Cognitive dissonance, unrealistic optimism, and some projection bias. But I can see why you think your perfectionism is the worst part. Coworker: You're a jerk. Dilbert: ...and here come the anger issues.
Share December 07, 2015's comic on:
Dilbert: I combined a DNA test kit with big data to predict a person's future health issues. That depressing knowledge caused every member of the test group to make risky lifestyle choices. Now half of them are dead. At the risk of bragging, that's exactly what my model predicted.
Share January 03, 2011's comic on:
The Boss says, "Jim, our company is family-friendly and very green." The Boss says, "We're also good at setting priorities, so if I get a chance to sell your kids for a handful of carbon credits, I'll do it." The Boss says, "He was less green than I had hoped."
Share March 02, 2012's comic on:
CEO: We're going to start fracking under our biggest competitors headquarters. My plan is to pollute their water and generate earthquakes to destroy their campus. The project code name is "fracking awesome." Dilbert: Catchy.
Share March 04, 1994's comic on:
Dilbert: "Do you remember last election day...and how you convinced me to not vote?" "You argued that since we disagreed on all issues, we could both stay home and the outcome would be the same as if we both voted." "Dogs can't vote!" Dogbert: "Well, not directly."
Share May 02, 1995's comic on:
Dogbert sits in a radio DJ booth wearing earphones and speaking into a microphone. He says, "I'm the smartest creature in the universe and you are all dolts." Dogbert continues, "Today I'm taking calls from people who think they understand complex issues because they watch 'Crossfire' on CNN." A caller says, ". . . So why not put all poor people in orphanages?" With his paw on the control panel, Dogbert says, "Put your head up to the speaker, Bob."