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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 22, 2012's comic on:


Tags #being a jerk, #big picture, #breaking up tasks, #emotionally gutted, #engineer, #engineers, #individual tasks, #losing will to live, #meetings, #personal life, #project plan, #rational plan, #sense of purpose

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Boss: Any comments on the project plan? Dilbert: When you consider all of the tasks together, they form a rational plan. But our individual tasks are so far removed from the big picture that they are stripped of meaning. You've managed to remove all sense of purpose from my life. On an intellectual level, I understand the benefits of breaking tasks into small chunks. But you've left me emotionally gutted. As I read your plan, I'm losing my will to live. Boss: Can't you find meaning in your personal life? Tina: He's an engineer. Dilbert: Now you're just being a jerk.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 05, 1994's comic on:


Tags #3d stereo, #life like sound, #high def, #video, #life yet

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Dilbert: "I've got my 3-D stereo for life-like sound..." "I've got hgh definition television for life-like video..." "Do you have a life yet?" "No, but I'm darn close."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 08, 1994's comic on:


Tags #philosophy of life, #gives you lemons, #big pitcher, #ice, #few glasses, #no napkins?

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Ratbert: "My philosophy is 'if life gives you lemons, make lemonade'." "Of course, the whole thing depends heavily on life also providing a big pitcher with ice and a few glasses." rather: "What? No napkins?!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 21, 1994's comic on:


Tags #losing life support, #red alert, #scanning, #tractor beam, #trade show

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AT the trade show.... Dilbert: Uh-oh. A vendor is scanning me. Dilbert: Im caught in a tractor beam! red alert! red alert! Losing life support systems Man: ...and I can even calculate fractions!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 04, 1995's comic on:


Tags #assignments by priority, #won't waste time, #unimportant stuff, #a priority, #personal life, #must do, #b priorities

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The Boss stands in front of Dilbert who is seated at his desk. The Boss hands Dilbert a document and says, "I ranked all of your assignments by priority so you won't waste time on unimportant stuff." Dilbert reads the document and says, "Everything is an 'A' priority except for 'Personal life.'" Dilbert says, "this helps a lot." The Boss says, "I'm still working on the list of 'Must do' 'B' priorities."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 17, 1995's comic on:


Tags #bring to read, #book of tips, #new computer golf game, #reading book, #computer simulation, #almost sport, #non organic life form, #driving little cart

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Liz and Dilbert are seated beneath a tree reading books. She asks him, "What did you bring to read?" Dilbert responds, "It's a book of tips for my new computer golf game." Liz comments, "So . . . you're reading a book . . . about a computer simulation . . . of an activity that's ALMOST a sport . . ." Liz continues, "That's about as close as you can get to being a non-organic life form." Dilbert says, "This chapter is about driving the little cart."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 07, 1996's comic on:


Tags #cafeteria, #Catbert, #human resources, #labeling entrees, #life threatening, #red lump, #health care, #evil director

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The caption says, "Catbert, the evil Director of Human Resources." Catbert, Wally, Dilbert and Alice sit at a conference table. Catbert says, "We're moving to 'cafeteria style' benefits." Catbert continues, "Under this system, if you need health care, you wander through the cafeteria asking 'Does anybody know what this red lump is?'" Alice asks, "What if it's a life-threatening problem?" Catbert replies, "That reminds me, the cafeteria won't be labeling the entrees anymore."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 04, 1996's comic on:


Tags #time, #sequence, #discreet eventsmlime ofperception, #infinite possibilities, #magazine, #moments, #have togather, #less often, #life

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Dilbert sits in a chair reading and Dogbert sits on his legs. Dogbert asks, "Do you see 'time' as a sequence of discrete events or simply a line of perception through infinite possibilities?" Dilbert answers, "I see 'Time' as more of a magazine." Dogbert says, "You know these moments we have together - we really must have them less often." Dilbert says, "Ask me about 'Life.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 16, 1996's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #career counselor, #enough people quit, #best startegy, #convince coworkers, #video, #exact moment, #life force, #leaves body

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Wally sits across from Dogbert's desk and Dogbert sits on the desk. Dogbert says, "The company won't lay you off if enough people quit first." Dogbert continues, "Your best strategy is to convince your co-workers that their jobs are intolerable." Wally shines a flashlight on Asok and points a video camera at him. Wally says, "We do this for all the young employees, Asok. I'll capture the exact moment that your life force leaves your body."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 09, 1996's comic on:


Tags #unpaid overtime, #immoral, #quality of life, #designed stockholder value, #human resources

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Catbert sits on his desk. Alice says to him, "The mandatory upaid overtime is immoral. It's destroying the quality of my life." Catbert replies, "Alice, Alice, Alice . . . Companies are designed to maximize stockholder value, not employee happiness." Alice says, "Maybe the head of Human Resources should be a human." Catbert replies, "Privately I refer to myself as the Director of Disgruntled Cat Toys."