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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 08, 2012's comic on:


Tags #lunch date, #not attracted, #technoloigy, #only like tech, #people are creepy, #delivery system, #viruses, #germs, #picture, #photoshop, #people hater

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Tina: Wally, do you want to go to lunch? Wally: No, thanks. I"m a digisexual now. Tina: What: Wally: I'm no longer attracted to people. I only like technology. People creep me out. You're basically a delivery system for viruses, germs, and unreasonable favor requests. I'm willing to take a picture of you, but that's as far as I'll go. Tina: This is the most disturbing conversation I've ever had. Wally: Thank goodness for Photoshop.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 29, 2012's comic on:


Tags #therapist, #therapy, #couch, #complaining, #turn tables, #shrink, #session, #husband, #pad.pen, #fishing for compliments, #relationships, #psychology

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Dilbert: People always try to take advantage of me. Therapist: I know what you mean. I lost five pounds and my husband didn't notice! I came home last night and he hadn't even cleaned the garage like he promised. I had to park on the street! Dilbert: Is it my imagination, or have you found a clever way to make people pay to listen to you complain? Therapist: Tell me more about how you think Im clever.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 20, 2012's comic on:


Tags #mental health, #crazy thought, #witness, #conference room, #fresh heck, #sadist, #sociopath

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Dilbert: Wait. Hold that crazy thought. I need to get a witness in the room. Alice, would you mind coming to the conference room for a minute? Alice: What fresh heck is this? Dilbert: Larry is a sadist and a sociopath, but he hides it when there's more than one witness. So, Larry, what do you think of my project? Coworker: It looks great! I'll be happy to help you in any way I can! Alice: Am I done here? Dilbert: Don't turn your back!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 13, 2012's comic on:


Tags #public opinion, #feedback, #idea, #smart people

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Boss: What feedback have other people given you on your idea? Dilbert: Smart people like it. Everyone else asks me what other people think.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 10, 2012's comic on:


Tags #doomed social media, #entrpeneurs, #rich people, #venture capitalist, #startups, #hatred, #motivation

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Dogbert: I've decided to become a venture capitalist. I'll take money from the rich and give it to hopelessly doomed social media start-ups. Dilbert: Because you love helping entrepreneurs? Dogbert: Because I hate rich people who aren't me.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 01, 1992's comic on:


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Dilbert, Dogbert, a captain and several people stand on a snow-covered mountain. Off in the distance is a crashed airplane. A man in a pilot's uniform says, "I've survived several jet crashes this year, so listen to me." The man continues, "The best way to prevent frostbite is to rub Worcestershire sauce on your body and whack yourself repeatedly with a meat tenderizer." As people pour sauce on themselves Dilbert thinks, "I wonder why he had enough of these for everybody?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 11, 1994's comic on:


Tags #small group, #young, #Funny, #single people, #socialize, #romances, #ski trips

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Tina: "Dilbert, I'm forming a small clique of all the young, funny, single people in the department." "We'll have drinks during lunch, talk about ski trips, and have romances within the group." Dilbert: "Please...just shoot me now." Tina: "No, no...we need you to do our work."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 19, 1994's comic on:


Tags #computer, #deluxe, #state of the art computer, #feel happy, #song, #sing a song, #no need people, #technology

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Dilbert: "35 inch monitor, 20 MEGs of RAM, 1.2 gigabytes of hard disk space..." "I feel a song coming on." "People...who don't need people...are the ha-a-a-ppiest people."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 11, 1994's comic on:


Tags #no raise, #engineers wuit, #the goal, #reduce headcount, #smart people leave, #organize pot luck

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Dilbert: "I'm telling you - if nobody gets a raise, half the engineers will quit!" The Boss: "That's the goal. We're trying to reduce headcount by fifty percent." Dilbert: "But all the smart people will leave!" Dilbert: "Would you mind organizing a goodbye potluck lunch for them?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 03, 1994's comic on:


Tags #imagine, #being a woman, #men in training, #people acknowledge, #can't find keys, #blouse falls off, #distorted view, #misogyny

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"In this sensitivity excercise, close your eyes and imagine how it feels to be a woman." "People acknowledge my existence. They smile for no reason and hold hte door open. I'm ...I'm popular." "I can't find my keys." "I'm never going back. I can't. I won't." "My blouse falls to the floor..." "Break! Break!"