Search Results for "plan"
Share June 03, 1993's comic on:
Dilbert and Dogbert sit on the grass. Noriko stands between them saying, "You adults are ruining the planet for my generation." Noriko continues, "We kids have no power now, but I'm taking names. When we take power we'll ship you all to a penal colony on Mars." Dilbert replies, "There's no oxygen on Mars." Noriko says, "Oh, NOW you learn to plan ahead."
Share June 19, 1993's comic on:
Dogbert says to the seminar participants, "As a zombie, you must speak in empty generalities." Dogbert continues, "Your business plan might say 'We strive to utilize a variety of techniques to accomplish a broad spectrum of results toward the bottom line.'" A man says, "Hey! My skin is getting clammy and I have the urge to call a meeting!" The man sitting next to him says, "Me too!" Dogbert says, "Good . . . Good . . ."
Share May 05, 1994's comic on:
"We don't know what the project should do or who would use it." "But if you could tell us what it costs to build it, we'll figure out the rest later." "What year do you plan to sell it?" "What am I - psychic or something??"
Share September 09, 1994's comic on:
"This chart shows the decision process we're using for my project." "Here we're wasting money. Then someone said, 'hey, let's create a complicated chart.' Now we're at this meeting, talking about the chart." "I have a question." "Great...there goes the plan."
Share April 01, 1995's comic on:
The Boss, Wally, Alice and Dilbert sit around a conference table. The Boss says, "Each of you will write your objectives and give them to me." The Boss continues, "Then I will sculpt these disparate pieces of clay into an elegant tapestry which will be our business plan." Alice asks, "Our business plan will be like a clay tapestry?" The Boss says, "Feel free to quote me."
Share April 25, 1995's comic on:
Dogbert stands in Dilbert's cubicle wearing a hard hat and reading some construction plans. Dilbert says, "I don't think it's fair to put convicts in our spare cubicles." Dogbert says, "Don't be such a bigot. These people have made one little mistake. Otherwise, they're just like employees." Dilbert says, "I think there are a few differences!" Dogbert responds, "Yeah, their health plan is better."
Share July 26, 1995's comic on:
The Boss, Wally and Dilbert sit around a conference table. Wally hands the Boss a piece of paper and says, "My proposed work plan for the year is to stress-test our product under severe network conditions." Wally continues, "I will accomplish this by downloading large image files from the busiest servers on the net." As Wally and Dilbert walk away from the meeting, Wally comments, "I was THIS close to making it my job to download naughty pictures." Dilbert says, "It's just as well; I would have had to kill you."
Share August 10, 1995's comic on:
The Boss stands in front of a conference table with an overhead projector on it. He points to a diagram and says, "My plan is to make you a self-directed team." Alice, Dilbert and Wally are at the table. The Boss continues, "After a few team meetings, the disrespect you have for each other will fester and grow into full-blown loathing." The Boss adds, "You'll BEG me to micro-manage you!! Ha ha ha!!" Wally comments, "It actually feels good to have a plan."
Share August 12, 1995's comic on:
Dilbert hands a document to the Boss, who is seated at his desk. Dilbert says, "As you requested, I dropped everything and wrote my career development plan." The Boss reads from the plan, "I plan to bounce from one artificial emergency to another, like a ping-pong ball in a clothes dryer, until one day I resign." Dilbert says, "Here I'm using humor to make a point . . ." The Boss yells, "Fax this to HR now!!"
Share December 26, 1995's comic on:
The Boss, Wally, Dilbert and Alice sit at a conference table. Wally says, "This is a living document." The Boss screams and drops the document. Alice says, "Next time, just say you plan to update it." Dilbert shakes the paper and says, "Mine's dead."