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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"This PowerPoint slide could change our entire company strategy." "The rest of the industry would have to copy us, and that could change the entire world!" "Someone has been having delusions of effectiveness."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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I am entering the PowerPoint zone. "I no longer feel the need to change the real world as long as I can change these bullet points." "How much imaginary productivity did you have today?" "Eight slides!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"My PowerPoint presentation is a vision of beauty and persuasion." "It will make engineers weep, and profits will rain down from the sky." "Jeepers. What kind of limping scrod is that?" "The good kind!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Did you have a chance to review my PowerPoint presentation? "It's full of technical jargon and it's way too long." "Did you even look at it?" "Why would I look at something like that?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Our CEO only has five minutes. Is that enough time for your PowerPoint presentation? "No. An incomplete explanation of the situation will cause massively harmful strategic choices." "What can we get for four-and-a-half minutes?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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I heard your company is funding terrorists. "Very indirectly." "And they aren't the bad kind of terrorists. They're more like rebels who sometimes do terrorist things." "How did they brainwash you so fast?" "Iran supplied them with PowerPoint."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"Asok, I need you to create a PowerPoint presentation that will save our department from being eliminated." "You must quantify the unquantifiable. And that can only be done by a process that I call lying." "Lying is a process?" "It can be, if you use enough slides."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Tags #meetings, #work ethic

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Dilbert: Let's see what's on my "to do" list for today. Useless meeting... busywork... make misleading PowerPoint slides... and another useless meeting. Dogbert: How was your productivity today? Dilbert: I know you're mocking me.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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CEP presents to the board of directors "An underling made these powerpoint slides and I don't understand them." "But it doesn't matter because all of you are too preoccupied with your day jobs and mistresses to pay attention." "Who votes to give me a huge bonus just to end this meeting?" "Aye" "Aye" "Aye"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"Our CEO didn't understand the powerpoint slides you made for him, so he asked the board of directors for a bonus." "With any luck, the bonus will incent him to try harder to understand your slides." "I'm getting better at finding tenuous connections to hope."