Search Results for "pretending"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 15, 1994's comic on:


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"Hi guys, how are your families?" "?" "?" "Why are you pretending to be interested in our personal lives?" "It's a management technique to increase your job satisfaction without giving you more money." "My plan is to boost your intangible benefits while continuing to chisel away at your salaries." "But enough about me...how are those families of yours?" "My wife divorced me because you make me work so many hours." "This job lowers my self-esteem too much to attract a mate." "Tell them I said 'hi'."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 06, 2000's comic on:


Tags #single cell organism, #new hire, #break room, #pretending

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Wally: So, I hear you're a single cell organism. Whats up with that? Alice: The new guy is rolling into a ball and shedding water. Dilbert: Been there.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 16, 2002's comic on:


Tags #ceo visit, #tour of cubicles, #bunch of boxes, #pretend to work

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Headline: The CEO Visit. The Boss says to the CEO, "Would you like a tour of our cubicles?" The CEO responds, "Why would I want to see a bunch of boxes filled with people pretending to work?" The CEO continues, "Unless that's the only thing you planned for the first thirty minutes of my visit."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 20, 2003's comic on:


Tags #hire emplyees, #qaulified, #hore dumb people, #motivation

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Catbert stands on The Boss' desk and says, "We can't afford to hire qualified employees." Catbert continues, "My plan is to hire dumb people and be angry at them." Catbert replies, "I forget - what's the word for pretending that people can change their basic nature?" The Boss replies, "Motivation?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 17, 2005's comic on:


Tags #topper vs. a customer, #dogsled race, #world toughest terrain, #better than, #top you, #cancel deal, #burn to ground, #go one better, #more better

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Topper vs. a Customer "I competed in the Iditarod, an 1,150-mile dogsled race lasting 15 days, over the world's toughest terrain." "That's nothing. I completed the race while pretending to be one of your dogs." "Now I don't want to buy from your company." "That's nothing. Now I plan to burn my company to the ground!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 19, 2006's comic on:


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"Welcome to Dogbert's communication seminar." "Today you will learn how to use your Blackberry while pretending to listen." "Now repeat after me: Uh-huh, yeah, uh-huh. What was he thinking? Wow!" click click click click

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 24, 2012's comic on:


Tags #average person, #offer low prices, #prices, #products on sale, #raising prices, #smart enough

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CEO: We're going to stop pretending our products are always on sale and instead offer low prices all the time. The average person is smart enough to know that our so-called sales prices are our normal prices anyway. Dilbert: Have you ever talked to an average person? Boss: Tell me again why we're raising all of our prices?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 18, 2013's comic on:


Tags #laziness, #sense of urgency, #energy, #pretend to work, #fake urgency, #vague goals

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Boss: We need to have a sense of urgency. Wally: I use most of my energy pretending to work, but I can add a layer of fake urgency if you really need it. Boss: What? Wally: I gotta go! I have vague goals to achieve!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 24, 2010's comic on:


Tags #mishear, #avoid work, #lazy, #no shame, #pour coffee, #budget estimate

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Dilbert says, "Rumor has it that you're pretending to hear things wrong to avoid work." Wally says, "It works great. The secret is to have no shame whatsoever." Coworker says, "Wally, do you have the revised budget estimate?" Wally says, "No, because you asked for a remized bugmet yestitet."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 12, 2009's comic on:


Tags #acting, #lesson, #occupation

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The Boss says, "We don't have enough money to fund your project, but I don't want to downsize you and shrink my empire." The Boss says, "I hired an acting coach to teach you how to hang around the office pretending to be useful." man says, "Are you dead or just non-expressive?" Dilbert says, "It's called a 'job'"