Search Results for "pretending"
Share June 24, 2010's comic on:
Dilbert says, "Rumor has it that you're pretending to hear things wrong to avoid work." Wally says, "It works great. The secret is to have no shame whatsoever." Coworker says, "Wally, do you have the revised budget estimate?" Wally says, "No, because you asked for a remized bugmet yestitet."
Share January 12, 2009's comic on:
The Boss says, "We don't have enough money to fund your project, but I don't want to downsize you and shrink my empire." The Boss says, "I hired an acting coach to teach you how to hang around the office pretending to be useful." man says, "Are you dead or just non-expressive?" Dilbert says, "It's called a 'job'"
Share August 11, 2009's comic on:
Dilbert says, "I see my job as giving you the information you need to make the right decision." Carol says, "I see your job as e-mailing me links to web sites full of stale and incomplete information." Dilbert says, "Can we go back to pretending I'm useful?" Carol says, "Sure. I'll give you a pity listen."
Share September 30, 2009's comic on:
Vacationing in a bad economy Alice says, "I can't afford a big vacation this year." Alice says, "So I bought some kitty litter and a 100-watt bulb. It's exactly like being at the beach." Catbert thinks, "This could turn ugly."
Share June 03, 2007's comic on:
CEO Meeting "I brought Dilbert in case you have any technical questions." "What's the status on the technology platform migration project?" "Be completely honest. We have nothing to hide." "Well, okay." "The project is like a hundred drunken clowns with bees in their underpants." "I expect the decline in morale to lead to violence." "Most of us are only pretending to work while secretly hoping the project gets canceled after you get fired by the board." "It turns out that we did have a few things to hide."
Share September 29, 2007's comic on:
"Wally, your choice of words leads us to think you are only pretending to be loyal to the company." "Sorry. I'll try to appear more loyal in the future." "You did it again." "Don't be silly. I couldn't be more loyal."
Share November 30, 2003's comic on:
"I'd like you to meet Bradley, our new manager of executive compensation." "Bradley's job is to recommend to our board how much to pay company executives such as me." "Bradley is totally objective." "Totally." "That was a world-class observation, so I'll recommend that the company buy you a pony." "...A STRONG pony to carry the huge bags of cash I recommend for you." "Good work, Bradley. I'll recommend to the board that you get a huge raise!" "Gaaa!! Stop pretending to have reasons!! Just steal the stupid money!!!" "See what I have to deal with every day?" "Would an extra month of vacation reduce the sting?"
Share May 24, 2013's comic on:
Share December 14, 2014's comic on:
Wally: What's it like to work hard? I'm curious because the reward for hard work seems to be identical to the reward for pretending to work. It seems as if it would be demotivating to work so hard for no incremental benefit. If I had to pick one word to describe my day, it would be "relaxing." But you took the harder path, and for that, you have my respect. Alice: I don't want the respect of a loser! Wally: If it makes you feel any better, I don't actually respect hard work.