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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 24, 2001's comic on:


Tags #dating beautiful woman, #Advice, #garbageman, #exciting, #mysterious, #delightful, #like fresh garbage, #compost

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Dilbert is handing his trash to The Garbageman. Dilbert says, "I'm dating a beautiful woman. Do you have any advice?" The Garbageman stuffs the trash into the can and responds, "A beautiful woman is like a heap of fresh garbag: exciting, mysterious, and delightful." Dilbert asks, "Do you have any advice that doesn't compare my girlfriend to garbage?" The Garbageman replies, "How about compost?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 20, 2002's comic on:


Tags #woman, #peeved questions, #hostile, #personality disorder, #critical, #mean, #nasty

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The Boss introduces a woman to Dilbert, "Dilbert, meet a woman who acts peeved at any sort of question." Dilbert extends his hand and asks, "How are you?" The woman opens one eye very widely, "Poink." The woman exclaims, with one eye wide open and the other closed, "How am I???" Dilbert responds, "Wow. I gotta show this to Wally."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 01, 2004's comic on:


Tags #doctor dogbert show, #big woman, #little man, #tv show, #freak show, #man, #hot dog bun, #doll like husband, #interview, #tv camera

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Doctor Dogbert Show Dogbert: Today we'll meet a couple who have a common problem. Big woman: I make him sleep in a gigantic hot dog bun. Dogbert: Can I see it? Man: No... please big woman: And the problem is that he snores.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 04, 2013's comic on:


Tags #online (web) news, #news manufaturer, #online media, #misleading headlines, #snarky bow, #news naturally, #engineer, #news magic

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Dogbert: I got a job as a news manufacturer for an online media company. I quote people out of context, add misleading headlines and tie it all up with a snarky bow. Dilbert: I thought the news occurred naturally. Dogbert: "Entineer Thinks News is Magic."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 05, 2008's comic on:


Tags #woman, #confides, #sad story, #piano fell on head, #dilbert laughs, #killed brother

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Woman: I used to have a brother, but a piano fell on his head. Dilbert: Hee hee!" Dilbert: Sometimes I laugh at the wrong times.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 27, 2008's comic on:


Tags #date, #stories of woe, #no tv or internet, #carving canoe, #woman runs out

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My cable system wasn't working last night. I didn't have TV or internet. Dilbert: So I stared at the wall until it was time for bed. I considered carving a canoe out of a tree trunk, but it seemed like a lot of work. Woman: Check!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 17, 2008's comic on:


Tags #admits assignment, #career, #dinner party, #small talk, #woman asks, #total losers, #blame, #coworkers

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woman: Before I get too invested in this conversation, tell me what you do for a living. Dilbert: I'm one of three people my boss asked to do the same assignment because he deems all of us unreliable. woman: This is why I ask. Dilbert: The other two people are total losers.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 22, 2008's comic on:


Tags #date, #perfect, #low entertainment value, #use our phones, #surf the internet, #call it a date, #perfect woman

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Tina: This conversation has a low entertainment value. Let's just use our phones to surf the internet, and call it a date. Dilbert: I don't use the phrase "perfect woman" often... Tina: Shhh

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 08, 2010's comic on:


Tags #customer, #meeting, #attractive woman, #shake hand, #handsome man, #translate

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The Boss says, "The customer is an attractive young woman. You'll need to bring a handsome man with you to translate." The Boss says, "The translator will repeat everything you say, word for word, but he'll say it more handsomely." Dilbert says, "Hi." Customer says, "What's he jabbering about?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 18, 2009's comic on:


Tags #talking, #woman, #insane, #crazy, #dating, #weird

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Dilbert says, "Hi. My name is?" Woman says, "Whoa! Whoa! Not in person!" Woman says, "I only meet men through online dating sites. That way I can filter out the losers." Dilbert says, "Too crazy too fast." Woman says, "I know. I'm working on that."