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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 18, 2001's comic on:


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The Boss sits behind his desk and says, "I told them you would be at the meeting Monday morning." Dilbert says, "What?? That means I have to travel all day Sunday. You're stealing my life!" Dilbert sits on the couch in his robe eating. He turns to Dogbert and says, "Then he said if I had social plans he'd reschedule." Dogbert replies, "Ouch."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"Eating at your desk is like stealing from the company, Alice." "I'm working through my lunch hour, you furry log." "Furry log?" "It's a term of endearment."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Why did you leave your last job? "They accused me of stealing four computers." "Did they make you confess?" "I took the fifth."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 15, 2012's comic on:


Tags #celebrities, #wealth

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Dogbert: I've decided to become a money manager for dumb celebrities. Celebrities don't pay close attention to where their money is invested, or who is stealing it. Dilbert: So you plan to help them protect their money? Dogbert: That would be one way to play it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 13, 2009's comic on:


Tags #walking, #guard, #job, #transfer, #market, #economy, #stealing

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Catbert says, "You can have your old job back, but your compensation will reflect the new market reality." Catbert says, "You'll get a small base salary plus anything you can sneak past the guard in the lobby." Dilbert thinks, "These aren't the droids you're looking for."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 21, 2009's comic on:


Tags #economy, #ridiculous, #fear

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Tree says, "The economy scared me so badly that I turned into a tree." Dilbert says, "What?" Tree says, "It's the same as a blind person developing better hearing." Tree says, "When you're stealing cat food from convenience stores, I'll be living large on rainwater."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 28, 2009's comic on:


Tags #coffee, #confused, #battery, #stealing, #electricity, #revenge

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Dilbert says, "What's on your back?" Wally says, "It's a battery." Wally says, "I recharge it at work with company electricity, then I use it at night to power my home appliances." Wally says, "If they cut my benefits one more time, I'll make a play for their water too."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 17, 2009's comic on:


Tags #stealing, #stupidity, #confronting, #ridiculous, #pirate

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Man says, "It's a conflict of interest for you to be our CEO and also a pirate who kidnaps our employees." Dogbert says, "The executive compensation committee approved this arrangement. It's all spelled out in my employment agreement." Man says, "So it is." Dogbert says, "Wait here while I call myself and ransom you back to the office."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 08, 2009's comic on:


Tags #stealing, #talking, #falling, #teamwork, #quick, #stunned, #shocked, #surprised, #economy

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The boss says, "Employee theft is on the rise because of the economy." Foop! Foop! The boss says, "They finally figured out how to work as a team."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Man says, "Who thought of this idea?" The Boss says, "I came up with it all by myself." The Boss says, "My subordinates, who have a healthy fear of losing their jobs, had nothing to do with it. Right?" Wally says, "We're not worth the oxygen we breathe." Dilbert says, "I don't even know why I'm here." Man says, "I asked because it's an awful idea." The Boss says, "You said I was stealing credit for a good idea, you lying liar!!" Man says, "Oh, wait. I read it wrong. This is actually a great idea." The Boss says, "Thanks. I know it was a winner when I thought of it." Dilbert says, "You gave him a good idea?" Wally says, "Not intentionally. It must have been a typo."